Hope 4 The Wounded

Due Date In Sight {I Think...I Hope}

2012-02-07T13:03:00.001-08:00

Sorry it's been quiet in these parts. The love poured out on our family recently left me kind of speechless. I promise to give an update on the outcome of God's provision soon.

In the meantime, thought I'd give a little update. I've been doing a lot of pondering lately. And crying. And nesting. Is there such a thing as adoption hormones?? I don't know, but I am all over the board people. All. Over. The board.

I look around me & feel abundantly blessed to be married to my best friend & have the privilege of being Mommy to these children. It is not easy, but it is never dull, & there are moments of beauty & joy that take my breath away. There are tough moments to walk through, but we do it together. And it's worth it.

Our 2 oldest daughters began their student teaching/field experiences a few weeks ago. I have loved hearing their classroom stories, & I am amazed at how these two little girls suddenly became young women. I find it interesting & awesome all at the same time that even though they don't share their Daddy's genes, they have inherited his heart for children that are hurting & broken, choosing to see beauty & potential where others have given up.

We have been going to basketball games, doing school projects, *trying* to organize some things, painting, rearranging, painting some more. My upstairs currently looks like something exploded, but we're working on that when we're not otherwise engaged with the Tiny Tornado. We were recently missing Kade's ipod & the TV remote which turned out to be in the garbage along with a couple of toys, bottles of lotion, & a pair of boots. We've now graduated from digging things out of the trash to fishing them out of the toilet. Per Kade, "Somebody needs to keep an eye on Kendi." I do believe a better defensive strategy is in order.

Why, yes, this post is definitely all over the board. I warned you. I go from enjoying these moments of life to obsessing over timelines, paperwork, etc., etc., not to mention the fact that there's a little girl on the other side of the world that is becoming a part of our family! I am happy to say that the paperwork, for the most part, is done. We are awaiting Article 5 pick-up on Friday, & then our wait for travel approval officially begins. As I was filling out our visa applications (not fun), I informed my husband while home on his lunch break that if he'd had to either physically birth our children or take care of all this paperwork, we would probably be childless. He didn't disagree...Instead, he left the house & returned with a bag of M&M's. He's a good man.

So, now that I don't have the endless amounts of paperwork to distract my thoughts, my mind is going a million miles an hour. What will it be like to meet her? What will it feel like to kiss her cheeks? How long is her hair now? (We haven't gotten any new pictures since she was 18 months old, & I'm not sure we will.) My arms ache to hold her. But I can't yet, so I pray. I pray that the Lord is preparing her heart. I pray that she has been shown our pictures so that there is some bit of familiarity. I pray for her health. I pray for everyone that will stay home while Mommy & Kade go away for 2 weeks. I pray. and cry. and eat chocolate. But, I digress.

Still with me? Well, you just crazy b/c I don't even think this mess amounts to any bit of sense, but since you did, here's a couple of sweet pictures for hanging in there with me.

XO ~ Dardi

So Many Red Threads

2012-01-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."

~ Ancient Chinese Proverb

We became familiar with this proverb when we began this journey to Kemeri & thought it was very neat. I must say, in the past couple of weeks, it has taken on a whole new meaning for us.

Back track. A couple of weeks ago, we stepped out & asked if people might want to become part of our "team", essentially, our family, to help us bring Kemeri home. To be completely honest, I'm not sure when I've felt quite so vulnerable. It sort of felt like, okay, we're inviting people to this party, but what if nobody comes? Rejection is not one of my favorite feelings. Or worse, what if we're judged? I know of too many families that have stepped out in faith only to have somebody say, "Well, if you can't afford it, why are you doing it?" That could be a whole blog post in & of itself, but I will leave it that we feel fortunate that we have not encountered this...People seem to understand that we can afford to raise another child, but as a dear friend says, the ransom is high & not many of us have it at our immediate disposal. Any-whooo...

After a lot of prayer, we really felt like the Lord was reminding us once again that this isn't about us. It's about Him & about Kemeri. So we took the plunge, & I have to say that never, ever in my wildest dreams did I expect the outpouring of love & support that we have received for Kemeri. What began as a feeling of vulnerability has evolved into feeling a connectedness (is that a word?) to so many people....just like the Red Thread.

We've had children give for Kemeri from their piggy banks, organize a fundraiser through student council at their school, & one young lady is "giving" her birthday to Kemeri, asking that friends & relatives donate in her honor.

We've had new friends, old friends, & extended family jump in with "100% support & love".

We've had college students & young people give in ways that blow my mind, knowing that they're just getting started & money is tight.

We've had other adoptive parents give generously, & some are either just home or smack dab in the middle of fundraising for their own adoptions.

We've had people putting donations in our hands at work, at sporting events, & in church.

We've been so blessed to reconnect with former classmates, the Sunday school class we used to belong to, & many friends we just don't get to see very often.

We've had donations come from all over the US as well as Canada & Germany, many from people we've never even met.

To date, we have received $6615. THAT is amazing. But above & beyond the donations, the love, support, & encouragement we have received has so powerfully impacted our family. I wish, I wish, I wish I could put into words how you have made us feel. Maybe my friend, Amy, said it best when she commented, "smiling along with you while we watch God be God..." Yes, we have experienced God's love through you, & it has forever changed us. I wish I could share every comment & every story, but there is so much. We are saving every one of them!!You can read some of the messages here:

www.acharityproject.com/f/TeamHendershott

We still have the donation page open for a few more days...we are so blessed by everyone that has joined the Team for Bringing Kemeri Home, becoming yet another red thread in our story of becoming family.

XO ~ Dardi

Oh, & for those wanting an update...OUR ARTICLE 5 WAS DROPPED OFF TODAY!!! This is for processing Kemeri's visa, so in a few weeks, we will officially be waiting for Travel Approval. Please continue to pray for Kemeri, for the process, & that we might have the opportunity to be with her when she turns 2 (March 18)!

God's Finger on Our Shoulders?

2012-01-09T10:37:00.000-08:00

As I was looking at the numbers for the donations that have come in both online & in-person this morning, I was in awe that we are over $4000 in a week's time. How amazing. Then I looked at how many days we have left, & we would have to average about $1000/day to meet our goal. Wow. That's a lot.

And then a $1000 donation came in a couple hours later. No lie. Go look.

http://www.acharityproject.com/f/TeamHendershott

So here we are. I literally shake when we receive EVERY.SINGLE.DONATION. Why? Because each time I know it is sacrificial. I know each person or group stopped what they were doing to extend love. Just because. Why do I know this? When I look at the donors, aside from my family, these are people we don't see or talk to all the time. Some we don't even know! Some are other adoptive families we've only known online, many of whom are in the middle of their own adoptions or just finished with one!! We have now received donations from $10 to $1000, & from the bottom of my heart I can honestly say that every single one, regardless of the amount, is priceless. Every single one represents people that have said, "We're here, & we're sharing in your journey." It means more than words can say when you feel like people are excited with you & choose to be part of Kemeri's story.

As Joe & I stared at the computer screen over his lunch break dumbfounded, I looked at him & said, "There's not many times in your life where you feel like you're part of something bigger than yourself. This isn't about us."

Our 4-year-old daughter, Kaya, piped in, "It's about Kemeri, Mom." Indeed.

$1000/day over the next 11 days? With God, all things are possible.

"There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God's finger on man's shoulder." ~Charles Morgan

Finding Words

2012-01-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

I've made it no secret over the last few days that we have been overwhelmed by the love & support we have received from so many & that I've had trouble finding the words to explain it. This morning, I decided to do some writing in my much neglected personal journal (sorry, peeps, I don't share everything here). :o)

As I was writing & reflecting, I just flat out asked God to help me find the words. I want to share. I want to be real. I want you to understand.

After my few minutes with my journal & the Lord, I had this urge to really give my ~~wretched~~ dirty floor a good scrubbing. No steam mop. This bad boy needed the good old-fashioned hands & knees kind of scrubbin'. So, after getting Lil Miss down for her nap, I got everything ready & started in.

That's when the memories came that finally gave way to the words.

When I was VERY pregnant with our fifth child, Kade, we were also building our home. We were on 2 time crunches: New baby coming & our temporary digs were being razed to become more parking for a church. Thankfully, everything was falling into place, but it was still an exhausting time. Nearing the end of my pregnancy, I was physically & emotionally tired, a bit overwhelmed with everything going on, yet still trying to enjoy the anticipation of the baby that was coming. Understand, I'm not complaining. It's just that you get to a point that you are tired.

I will never forget my major meltdown moment. A friend of ours was so generous to lay the laminate floor in our downstairs, & when it was finished, I was so excited to get it all cleaned up & looking pretty. Instead, when I began mopping, it became uglier & uglier. With all the construction dust, it was just becoming a mess. I lost it, & it wasn't a pretty scene.

The next day, our friend's wife, Kim, came over with a bucket & knee pads in hand. That beautiful woman cleaned every inch of that floor for me, knowing that I just couldn't. And the next day, another friend, Michelle, came over & washed my windows. Another friend, Susan, came with a coffee cake. Other friends had come a few weeks prior & helped Joe with the painting. All just because they saw a way to step in & ease the burden. At first, it was a little uncomfortable, but then the feelings of relief came, followed by just feeling so loved. So cared for. It was such a very, very special feeling.

When I didn't think it could possibly be any sweeter, it did. I hosted a baby shower for my sister, who was also expecting, & she & some friends were in cahoots. Her baby shower became a double baby shower to include me. Blown away. Who gets to have a baby shower for their fifth child?? That people were so thoughtful, loving, & enthusiastically sharing in our joy...Yes, I cried. My heart was so full in ways different than what you experience with your husband & children. People were making themselves a very special part of that chapter of our story.

An adoption journey is much like pregnancy. Toward the end, you just get tired. Not because you're not super-excited, but because it's hard, you get thrown curve balls, you wait, I still gain weight...whatupwitdat??? Anyway...

When we found ourselves in a place of being overwhelmed & needing some help, we have had people step in. I knew the feeling was familiar, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. I guess it's just not something you have the opportunity to experience everyday. As I sat on the floor this afternoon, though, I remembered.

I feel so loved. I feel joy & enthusiasm from others that rejuvenates me in a way that nothing else can. I feel cared for. We've received prayers, support, & notes of encouragement from people we've never met face to face. Donations have come in from all over the country & Canada! We had people giving us notes & money & hugs at our daughter's basketball game last night (some were from the "other" team!). People are excited to help bring Kemeri Abigail home!

I have been in tears many times over the last few days. But it's not from sadness...it's because my heart is overflowing, & it's got nowhere else to go. We are so honored to be connected to so many people through a precious little girl....Go God!!!

Thank you to every person that has jumped in so far to bring our little girl home to her family. If you'd like to see what's been going on & how you might feel led to help, please click on this link:

http://www.acharityproject.com/f/TeamHendershott

We feel incredibly blessed to be part of this story, and through it all, we get to see just how much the Lord loves Kemeri. As my friend Susan said, "We can't wait to see what God has in store for Kemeri's life!"

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27

One Powerful Moment

2012-01-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

We are in awe of the response to our request for people to help us bring Kemeri home. Honestly, I have been wanting to post, but words escape me. Today, I decided that since we said we were inviting people into our lives on a very personal level, that I need to share some of the more intimate moments from this journey.

The honest truth is that we really wrestled with this. Our hearts wanted to jump in, but nothing made any sense...the timing, the finances...nothing. But once we said "yes", it seemed like anytime we began to doubt or grow weary, God would put something in our path as affirmation or encouragement that we're headed in the right direction.

Shortly after we received pre-approval from China & began the daunting paperwork process, I stumbled across this video. It gave us so much courage & determination to go where He said "go".

Thank you to everyone that has stepped into this journey with us to bring Kemeri home through our donation page. We would be thrilled if you would continue sharing the link & participating any other way you feel led. I have so many emotions & thoughts...I hope to be able to put it into coherent words to share what the Lord has been teaching our family through this experience. Here is the link:

http://www.acharityproject.com/f/TeamHendershott

Thank you, thank you, & thank you again for the love & enthusiasm so many of you have shared with our family & especially for a little punkin' waiting for her family on the other side of the world. We can't wait to see the rest of the story!

Love ~ Dardi & Family

We've Launched!

2012-01-02T18:50:00.000-08:00

After much prayerful consideration, we have launched a donation page with "Hope: A Charity Project".

Team Hendershott: Bringing Kemeri Home

Please visit the above link for the details & to see how you might be able to help either financially or by sharing our page. We also appreciate prayers for our family and the whole process.

"If you take the first step with faith and obedience, God will always meet you there with His faithfulness and provision."

I'm pretty much out of words at this point. I am already blown away by all the "shares" on FB, by the donations that have already begun to come in, & especially by the love & encouragement that has overflowed. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for caring about a little girl finding her way home.

Catching Up {Christmas in Pictures}

2012-01-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

If you need an excuse to sit down for a minute, you've come to the right place!

Being that it's already New Year's day, I thought it's now or never for posting the Christmas pictures. Getting that LOA from China right before Christmas put this mama into the best kind of tailspin. :)

So as not to make this post resemble a novel, the pictures are plenty & the words are few.

You're welcome.

Books & jammies are the Christmas Eve tradition. We've been reminiscing about how I used to dress the 3 oldest the same for special occasions when they were little. Oh, yes I did.

Another Christmas Eve tradition: The kids have a gift exchange. They each draw the name of a sibling at Thanksgiving. Kyler got Kaya, & Kaya was most pleased with her gift. Yep, she's a Bieber fan.

Ahhh, Christmas morning. 5:17 a.m. Christmas morning. Five.Seven.teen. And this was not Kaya & K'Tyo's idea. This early morning awakening was instigated by the teen/adult child sector.

Kaya looks a bit sleepy, don't ya think?

This was the ONLY gift Kendi perked up for...she loves her some basketball! She got a dolly, too, but thought it was only good for slam dunking in the hoop.

Not a ninja. Just a cool ski mask.

These were a hit!

This may be my absolute favorite picture. Kaelee just happened to grab the camera & catch these two playing. What a hoot!

Wishing you & yours an exciting, blessed new year! Happy 2012!!

SHOCKED!!!

2011-12-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

Oh, yes, we did!!! I was getting ready to make the frosting so we could decorate the cut-out cookies last night. I turned on the computer in the kitchen for some Christmas music, & decided to check my email real quick. Not much shocks me, but I let out a yell...poor Joe thought I had hurt myself! We only waited 36 days...that's about half of the current average. I did not even have any of the necessary paperwork for this step ready, & any of you that know me know that I'm all about having the paperwork ready! Yikes...it's been a busy day, but I'm on my way to send off the next round of papers. Feeling VERY thankful & excited to be taking this big step toward Kemeri coming home!

Suicide Hits Home

2011-12-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

I need to talk about something that's been hurting my heart for a long time. There may be no eloquence in this post; it may not even flow real well, but my emotions are raw. Yesterday for the third time in the last month, a male student in our community chose to end his life. Three children (yes, high school kids are still just children) have commited suicide, and two of them my daughter knew. Exactly two years and 11 days ago, our family was rocked by suicide, so each time the news has come so close to home, we relive the pain, the questions, & the anger all over again.

As I was reading posts on FB this morning, there's an outcry that the school administration needs to do something immediately! I'd like to make another suggestion. We all need to do something. While teachers & administrators are a wonderful support, the responsibility cannot be solely theirs to bring about change.

We've quickly become a society that shifts the blame to the "higher ups". I believe the change needs to begin with you and me. I do not know the reasons behind why these boys decided that death was less painful than life, but you don't have to look far to have a few ideas.

Before I go any further, understand something. I have never been nor will I ever be a perfect parent. I have made mistakes, & so have my children. But one thing we talk about time & again in our home is how we treat other people. Unfortunately, this no longer seems to be the norm. The hallways of schools, from elementary on up, have become a cut throat environment of competitiveness between our young people. Sit at ANY athletic contest & you can hear grown adults bad mouthing children. There is little tolerance for anyone that does not meet the accepted level of "cool" or the expectations of onlookers. Many of our youth have resorted to proving their worth through the degrading of others through straight out hateful words. Sticks & stones nothing...words hurt & tend to embed themselves into the heart & mind of a child, festering into a twisted reality they begin to perceive as truth.

And it begins at home.

We no longer teach humility; we teach being the best. We no longer teach serving others; we teach entitlement. We no longer teach encouragement; we teach that everyone is our competition. We no longer teach compassion & empathy; we teach judgement.

And thus we have created an environment for ourselves & our children of no love, no tolerance, no acceptance...NO HOPE.

So you might be thinking, "Well, yeah, maybe there's a bit of that going on, but not every person that commits suicide is feeling bullied. Some are mentally ill." Speaking of no tolerance...

Let's face it. There's a HUGE stigma with mental illness. We have not created an environment where people feel safe in saying, "I think I might have a problem. These thoughts are overtaking my every moment. I can't fight them. I'm scared. I need help." Please. It makes people uncomfortable. If someone becomes physically ill, we rally around them; if someone is mentally ill, we don't want to know. We'd prefer they'd just pull themselves up by the bootstraps & fake it til they make it.

What if we became communities of people that fostered an atmosphere of tolerance? What if we instilled in our children humble, empathic hearts that looked to encourage one another? What if people felt safe enough to share their hurts & vulnerabilities? What if we were a people willing to climb in the ditch to help bring someone out?

I'm not trying to be simplistic or naive. Life is hard, but must we be contributors to it or always look for "the administration" to fix it? No. I think we need to take responsibility for how we're raising our children, how we're treating the people we come across every single day, & what our attitudes are towards those who don't seem to be just like us.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

So what will your legacy be?

Oh, Christmas Tree!

2011-12-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

We have a beautiful Christmas tree farm close by, so we head there every year for a wagon ride, cookies, hot chocolate, &, oh yes, the Christmas tree.

Kam, providing the human barricade. Lots of holes from trees dug up, & Kendi was determined to wipe out in one. The girl in the background is one of Kam's friends that came along to ~~witness the silliness~~ enjoy the fun. ;)

This pretty much sums it up. Kyler pointing one way, Joe pointing another. This might have been the only time everyone was headed in the same direction!

However, this was not the only time Daddy could be seen taking MORE pictures with his phone.

Mommy's punkin...Gosh, last year she was snuggled up in the Ergo for our Christmas tree outing. Now, she's much too busy to be held for long!

Evidently, we spotted one?

I think we hiked all through this group of trees. You have to look at every one, right?

Maybe Kaya doesn't think so.

Should you get tired of hunting for the perfect tree, the stumps make for a great place to make like the Karate Kid.

KiKi, the Karate Kid?? Jury's out on that one.

Normally, we go early in the day, but we ended up going right before they closed. Actually, we closed them down. I think this may have to be our new normal, because being there when the sun is setting was pretty sweet.

K'Tyo, always ready for the silly picture. And Kade is really not an angry child. No, he's one of the silliest ones, but his mission in life has become sporting the game face anytime the camera comes out. Isn't he just the cutest thing? About as cute as any preteen can be, I suppose. Stinker.

In the end, we left the field without cutting a tree & picked one that had already been cut earlier in the day. Our perception of the size of the trees is never real good out in the field, so we are notorious for getting a tree that has to have a foot cut off just to fit in the living room.

This one touches the ceiling, but even better than being as tall as possible, it's FAT! I have always loved nice, wide trees. Poor Joe. They tend to be a little ornery when it comes to getting them straight. It only almost fell over on him once while Kyler & I stood back to see if it was straight.

Somehow when it came time to decorate, Kaya & K'Tyo were the only ones game for helping. I never knew how many ornaments you could fit on the lower third of the tree.

Kendi finally decided she needed to check things out.

There are not many days that we get to do something with almost everyone together, but when we do, they are the best gift.

Why Do I Blog?

2011-12-09T05:52:00.000-08:00

I've actually thought about this question quite a few times, even more over the last couple days. There's really no one answer. A friend encouraged me a few years back to start a blog b/c I have some experiences/testimonies to share. I have journaled for a long time, so this is a way for me to journal, too. It has also afforded me the opportunity to connect with others beyond those right next door to share experiences & learn a thing or two. In the back of my mind, though, I've always known there would come a day I would either make a mistake or tick somebody off with a personal decision.

Little did I know I'd manage to do both all at once. If you've taken time to ever read my profile, it states, "It's an imperfect world, I'm an imperfect person..." Case in point: In the last several days, I have had quite a few comments on my blog. Unfortunately, one of those comments was innappropriate in content, & I missed it. Flat.out.missed.it. For that, I am very sorry and am glad that it was brought to my attention so that I could remove it.

I completely understood this person's anger at such a thing, but evidently, our choice to rename our son was equally disturbing to her, or actually, I believe the word was "disgusted". On that, we will have to agree to disagree, but I do hope you might hear my heart on this. We did not make this decision on a whim or based on satisfying some self-centered need. Just as things like circumcision are constantly hot topics, there really is no rule book with a right or wrong answer. Everyone tends to have a passionate opinion, but in the end, it's a personal decision. We know some that kept their child's given name in full; we know others that changed it completely, with no trace of anything from the original. After reading (& reading, & reading) articles, forums & anything else we came across about renaming an adopted child, we really felt "damned if you do; damned it you don't." If we had not given him a "K" name like his siblings, we could have been judged for making him feel left out. In the end, we tried to give him both. Through translators, both in Ethiopia & here, we were able to communicate about these possibilities, & in the end, he liked K'Tyo. And, no, I did not try to persuade him. Pa-leeeze....anyone that has hit the teen stage knows that if you try to make your kids' decisions for them knows that it will come back to bite you in the butt with, "But you made me..." Nope, not interested in goin' there.

But here's the thing. I followed your link & did a little reading. I think maybe you think you already know me. That maybe I'm full of "unicorn farts & rainbows as I'm out in the world "saving" children" by giving them the awesome opportunity to be adopted by me. Umm, no. I have written some posts about the journeys to our children b/c I am amazed that out of this whole big world, I get to know them, love them, & be part of their lives.

BUT...

Here's the other side of the coin. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption. Children would be able to remain with their parents, & parents would be able to care for their children. Our outlook on adoption has never been & never will be to "save" a child, nor has it ever been a "Plan B". We don't believe in finding children for families, but families for children that are in need of one. I'm not looking for a child to fill some need in me to feel like I'm saving the world or to gain attention. If I wanted attention, I'd do something way easier. Parenting is hard; parenting children that will always have the pain of a missing piece is harder. Still too fluffy? Here's a few other things you don't know: You don't know that I held my little girl's mother in my arms time & again when no one else thought her "worthy" of anything, let alone respect & kindness. You don't know that at her request, I sat in on visits to make them easier on her. Many asked me "why?"..."Why would you make it easy for her? Why not let her get completely frustrated so she would just quit coming to visits?" Why? Because it was the right thing to do, and because I honor the fact that she is her mother, beyond the circumstances that prevented her from being able to function on a daily basis as such. You don't know that even though this was a termination of rights situation, I still choose to maintain contact with the family because it was never my hope that they would not be able to care for their daughter/niece/granddaughter so that I could adopt her & never look back. The goal of foster care is never adoption; that is the last resort.

You don't know that I desperately wanted to meet anyone from K'Tyo's extended family so that I could look them in the eye & promise to do my best on their behalf. You don't know that I have spent his two birthdays in our family overwhelmed with grief b/c I wonder if his mother died worrying for her son. I wonder if she ever got to see a birthday. As a mother, it makes my gut ache to think of leaving this earth & missing the chance to see my child grow up, let alone know if they would even be cared for. It sucks.

You don't know that I spent a long time with Kendi's mother on the phone when she was in the hospital, reiterating that I wanted her to make the decision that was best for HER...she owed us NOTHING. You don't know that I did not ask her for permission to go to the hospital because I did not want her to feel any pressure. You don't know that when she wanted to take the baby home for a few days that I supported her when nobody else would. Not only that, I continued to encourage her & tell her to NOT base her decision on us. This wasn't about us. Not for a minute. You don't know that I left all communication during that week up to her to ensure she did not feel any pressure from us because I did not want in any way to influence her decision. You don't know that I long for continued communication with her as Kendi grows up. You don't know that I think of her every single day.

Adoption is messy & originates from loss. Originally, I was going to respond to you in a private email, but I realized that I may have other readers that were offended or that can offer the perspective of an adult adoptee. Quite frankly, I need you. Our oldest 2 daughters were adopted by my husband, & we got it wrong more than we got it right. I did not have the luxury of the worldwide web in those days for information or any BTDT people. I need the perspective of adult adoptees because I want to navigate this road with our adopted children in a way that keeps their needs & feelings in the light. I'm gonna make mistakes, but I want to learn. There's a lot I don't know, & there's a whole lot I can't understand because I haven't lived it. I mean, I don't know if it's right to say birth parent/family, first parent/family, natural parent/family... What is appropriate? I don't feel right celebrating "Gotcha days"...is that wrong? These are just a couple examples of many things I want to know from your perspective.

I don't need you to agree with every decision I make. I don't even need you to like me. But at least know that you don't really know me. You know bits & pieces that I choose to share & you might choose to judge personal decisions or judge me for my faith. That's your perogative, but here's one thing you can know for sure--My intentions are not to hurt my child by changing his name or be ignorant to the needs of any of my children, including those that have been adopted into our family. I love them fiercely, like lay down my life for them fiercely, but I am fully aware that all the love in the world won't erase the wound of loss. I will continue to give my all, & I welcome the opportunity to connect with & hear from those that know intimately the position of adoptee so that when "my all" falls short, I might learn in order to serve the needs of my children well.

Questions Answered

2011-12-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

I've had 2 questions recently:

Where have you been??

A new blog friend (Hi, Ruth!) read about our youngest girls' names & wondered about K'Tyo's name...where it comes from, how you say it, & what it means. I couldn't believe I had never blogged about it, but looking back, I can't find a post about it anywhere! I am blaming jet lag after we came home with him for my oversight. :o)

Ok, answer to first question: Trying to keep my head above water! If you've been reading my blog, you know that the hubs is pursuing his doctoral degree. Well, this past Saturday was a big day as the first of 3 major events in this program is now under his belt. Since beginning the program almost 2 years ago, he has been working on a mentorship project, which was presented to an audience of peers, colleagues, & professors. Also necessary was the completion of a ginormous binder (we're talking 6 inches, people) of supporting documents, a 5-page executive summary, a 20+ page integration paper, complete with research & citations, & a power point. Makes me tired just typing such things. The blessing has been that Daddy has modeled hard work & determination to give his best, & it turned into quite the family affair. Kaelee & Kearsten were such a blessing with proofreading, Kam helped retrieve the lost power point (don't ask), Kyler & Kade were rock stars with the littles on a few occasions when needed. And the littles were full of hugs & kisses, which are a wonderful remedy to weariness.

Throw in the start to Kam's basketball season, & you've got the makings for a few weeks of CRAZY! But, we press on. I'm proud of Joe for working so hard. He is a humble man, & not much interested in throwing around titles, but we know God has put a mission in his heart to help people work with wounded children, so this is a necessary step in lending credibility to his work. Not gonna lie, though, when Saturday was over, there was a huge sense of relief & we are very much looking forward to the break!

Now, about K'Tyo's name . . .

K'Tyo's name is pronounced /k/ tie-yo. Honestly, we weren't sure what we were doing about his name before leaving for Ethiopia. For us, it was hard because he was 4 years old at the time, & obviously had quite the personality. All of our children's names begin with a "K", so we wanted to incorporate that somehow (how we got going on K's is still a mystery). His Ethiopian name is Sintayehu, which means "much I have seen" (pretty intense, huh?). We love it's significant meaning, but knew in America it would be butchered. Shoot, it took us forever just to find out how it was being pronounced, & it seems it can be pronounced a couple of ways, but for our son, the end sounded like "Ty-o". Kade came up with the idea of putting a K on the front, & when we met him, suddenly it just worked. It just seemed to fit him, & he latched onto it right away. As a matter of fact, someone called him Sintayehu, & he quickly corrected them. I have no idea if he just liked K'Tyo, if he noticed that everyone else's name sounds the same at the beginning (he is a bit of a smarty pants, so I wouldn't doubt this), or what. As for his middle name, when adopting from Ethiopia & they issue their official papers, they automatically use their Ethiopian name first & then give them the adoptive father's first name as the middle name. I'm not sure how it works for the girls, but that's what happens with the boys. We decided that K'Tyo Joseph had a nice ring to it. Kam happens to be named after Daddy (Kameryn Jo), but she said she didn't mind at all, & it seemed almost fitting that they would share a similar middle name since she is the sibling that traveled to Ethiopia with me to bring him home. So there you have it...great question! Thanks for asking!!

And now, a few pictures from Thanksgiving since I have not posted a thing about it! We had a wonderful day. At the request of the older kiddos, we had Thanksgiving at home this year, & it was a great success. Loved enjoying the day with my husband & children, though we did miss extended family.

The oldest girls helped with desserts, & Kaya was not about to be left out. This is "Pumpkin Dump Cake" & she was able to make it almost all by herself!

I did not have to look far to find reasons to be thankful!

Laughter is the best!!!

And there's really nothing better than sharing a plate of Doritos in your jammies!

What a motley crew!

I would have to say that the next picture is a truer representation of how we roll around here.

Very thankful for this family of mine! I will share some pictures from our outing for the Christmas tree soon!

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As a side note, I am honored to have a post on Adeye's blog today. Her heart has been such an inspiration & encouragement to me!

Another Milestone

2011-11-17T08:35:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had the privilege of attending the Teacher Induction Ceremony at Ashland University for the 2nd time as a Mom (Kaelee was previously inducted as an early childhood education major). Tonight, it was Kearsten's turn. Basically, after meeting several requirements, students become official education majors in the College of Education.

Kearsten's major is Intervention Specialist, Moderate/Intensive.

We are very proud of her. Daddy was sad to be out of state & unable to attend.

These girls all share the same major & were inducted last night, too.

For fun, we had to get a pic in front of the beautiful Christmas decorations that are already up. My sassy, bossy daughter said we had to pose our arms. Not a word, Dad. I know she gets it fair & square.

Congratulations, KiKi! We can't wait to see where this leads, but know for sure you will make a difference! We love you!!

Yay for Good News!

2011-11-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

Just got the news today that our dossier was logged in in China on 11-14-2011!!

For family & friends unsure of the process, this is a big step. All of our important papers are where they need to be, & we have officially begun the wait for the next big milesone: LOA. Basically, this step will say all is good with our paperwork & we confirm that it is still our intention to officially make Miss Kemeri Abigail our daughter.

I would appreciate prayers for these next steps. The average right now for LOA is 60 days. The next steps after that are fairly consistent in terms of averages. We are praying to come in under the averages so that we can bring Kemeri home before she turns 2. I know God's timing is perfect, but it would be a wonderful thing to celebrate her birthday WITH her!

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 4b-Kemeri}

2011-11-15T03:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry this ended up being so long that it needed to be divided, but as this is a journal of sorts for me, I don't like to leave things out. God is in the details, & it helps me tremendously when I can go back to see His hand...looking back tends to give me the courage to go forward.

Such is the case now. I'd love to tell you that this journey has been full of warm fuzzies. It hasn't. This journey has challenged us in many new ways. However, as I look back at each testimony to each of our children, I can see how God has been preparing us...in faith, in surrender, in our family/marriage, in trust, & in OBEDIENCE. In each journey, He took away our preconceived notions of what WE thought we could handle (be it needs or circumstances surrounding situations), & replaced them with our children. And that's what this journey finally came down to. Why would we not trust the Lord in what He's putting on our hearts? He has been faithful; He has blessed this family beyond words. This life is not always easy (ha, just read my Reality Post), but it has brought me to a place of knowing what true joy is.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author & perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, & sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary & lose heart." ~Hebrews 12:2-3

Yes, I have had doubtful, fear-filled moments where I grow weary & lose heart. "Lord, life is so crazy right now with Joe in the midst of his doctoral work." "Lord, we are essentially artificially twinning these babies." "Lord, how will I manage traveling to China & leaving Kendi behind...she's still a baby?" "Lord, the money?" "Lord, what if my arms aren't big enough?" "Lord, "things" are so good in our family...what if she doesn't like us?" "Lord, what if....?" One day in my worries & questions, a question came right back at me. "Dardi, what if you weren't going to bring her home?" That feeling of grief that I had when we initially let her file go washed over me all over again. So, when those negative thoughts threaten me, I go back. I go back to what I KNOW (see previous testimonies), I go back to that horrible feeling of loss, & I go back to the TRUTH. God does not choose the equipped; He equips the chosen. This is an entry from my written journal in June:

"When I begin to feel stress, I try to focus on remembering everywhere I've already been in my life b/c when I look, You were always there. So many lessons learned, but so easily forgotten. And how easily I become afraid & doubt the steps I so confidently just took. And then I remember yet again--My life is not my own, & when it feels most uncomfortable are perfect opportunities to seek You."

And God? He has not only brought us to this place, but He goes above & beyond anything we could possibly dream up when revealing Himself in the details. I have a very sweet story of provision, but I'm going to save that for a separate blog post. I want to focus here on a beautifully amazing example of how He gave us a sweet affirmation of this journey to Kemeri right when we needed it.

Our little girl's name given to her by the orphanage folks is Yu Jia. Yu means understanding and awareness; Jia means beautiful woman. According to her paperwork, "giving her this name means the hope for her to be a pretty and sensible woman". In case you didn't know, we had quite a time with what her name might be. First, we needed to find a "K" name we connected with. But even more important was the middle name...God had laid "Joy" on my heart through scripture, but we have a niece with that middle name, so I was struggling. ~~Two-by-four to the backside~~ My "ah-ha" moment: There are names that mean "Joy", & right there it was...Abigail: The source of a father's joy. This was perfect on so many levels. Source of her earthly father's joy, source of THE Father's joy, & even sweeter is that Gail is my mom's middle name! So, on August 1st, we announced that our little girl would be Kemeri Abigail.

Have you ever had a "God moment" that just brought you to your knees? I had one of those on September 29th. I know the exact date b/c I was reading the blog of another adoptive mama who had been wrestling with names, & they had finally chosen Abigail for their newest daughter. She wrote, "Yes, 1 Samuel 23 where it talks about Abigail- she was a beautiful and sensible woman". I could hardly breathe. I even had to pull out Kemeri's referral paperwork to double check, & there it was..."Giving her this name (referring to her Chinese name) means the hope for her to be a pretty & sensible woman." It still leaves me speechless. I did not know these things about Abigail in the bible. But God knew. God knew her name, no matter the language. And He chose in a moment of my weakness to give me that gift of knowing to settle my heart into a state of awe, thankfulness, & anticipation for this daughter He has known all along.

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 4-Kemeri's Story}

2011-11-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

When Kendi came home, we felt so content (blissfully exhausted, but content!). Joe even went so far as to say the word "complete", & I was okay with that. Then sometime after the first of the year, that weird, powerful nudging began again, which made absolutely no sense to me. I was still quite sleep deprived (Miss Kendi likes her middle of the night meetings over a warm bottle) & just trying to keep everyone in clean drawers.

Well, I guess since I was dismissing the nudges, God pulled out some bigger guns. I have enjoyed reading blogs over the last few years b/c I find much encouragement, & it helps me feel connected with others that are traveling similar roads. I especially enjoyed them as Kendi was tiny b/c I wasn't getting out in the winter too much & there's not much I care to watch on t.v. Anyway, suddenly it seemed everywhere I turned, every thing I read, kept putting China SN adoptions in front of my face. Only once did we even glance in the way of adopting from China many years ago after attending a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, but after seeing the requirements & financial aspect, we never glanced that way again b/c we didn't qualify. However, that was years ago when the non-special needs adoptions were at their height, & also when we had never seriously prayed about adoption or felt that "nudge".

Honestly, I was quite perplexed. I came up with every reason under the sun (including the fact that my husband said we were D.O.N.E.) & would go to bed resolved not to give it another thought. And then I would wake up in the morning consumed all over again. Before I knew it, I was a member of a yahoo group that advocates for waiting children, & I would scour that site daily learning about the process, following links that would take me to sites so I could research special needs, & looking at picture after picture of children who wait. And each day my heart was being broken more for these children. Beautiful, innocent, waiting children.

Finally one afternoon, I TEXTED (yes, for real) my husband & said, "What do you think about adopting from China?". People, I got nothin' but silence for 3 HOURS. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I casually (ha) called him to see how his day was going, if he got my text....If I'm being *really* honest, I was kind of looking for the "no" from him so I could just put this whole business to rest once & for all. Yes, he had gotten my text, so I said, "Well, I guess the 3 hours of silence is a 'no' then." He said, "It's not an anything...I've been praying about it." Oh. Have I ever mentioned that I really love this husband of mine?

We decided it was best to continue praying, & he also had a lot of questions. He was under the impression that there was a very long wait b/c he had only heard of the NSN route. He had not heard of the SN program. We also started talking about what special needs we felt we could handle (it was a nice thought, you know, to DECIDE what WE could handle...wouldn't you think by now I would know better? More on this in a bit). After some time, we also felt like we were supposed to "find" our child & not wait for a match. I should have put two and two together when we felt so convicted of this that God had something in mind outside of OUR parameters.

We began looking at some files of children, mostly around Kaya's age, thinking that age may be ~~easier~~ best since Kendi is still a baby. But with every situation, the door seemed to quickly close. There was one little girl we kept going back to...part of her diagnosis (missing digits) was something we felt very comfortable with. However, she had a second diagnosis we had never heard of before. It was a very long, scary looking word which we later learned means spina bifida. She's also only 7 months older than Kendi. Then one day while checking the posts on the advocacy group, one in particular jumped right off the page; it was with regard to this little girl. A woman was advocating specifically for her b/c she had seen her file & had it reviewed. Even though this little girl was not to be theirs, she felt prompted to advocate for her.

I'd love to tell you that we got her file & just jumped right in without another thought. We did get her file, even put it on hold while we had it reviewed by our pediatrician who was having it reviewed by a specialist, & then we got scared & decided not to move forward. I still remember the day we made that decision. I was sitting at the kitchen table while Joe was doing something in the kitchen, & as I typed the email to let the agency know our decision, I cried a horrible, grieving cry. Mind you, we had reviewed other files, but I had not fallen apart like this before.

Over the next several weeks, we reviewed a couple more files & I kept watching for the little one we walked away from to find her way back to the waiting child photolisting (her picture had been taken down when we had locked her file). When it never reappeared, I assumed that someone else had been waiting to see her file & had committed to bringing her home, but I thought of her every day. Then it seemed to become a complete preoccupation...she was on my mind all the time. On the Friday of Memorial weekend, I couldn't help myself. I emailed the coordinator at the agency to see if "Jill's" family had found her. Within an hour she emailed back to tell me that, no, she was still waiting. Upon reading those words, I got the worst case of butterflies ever. What was going on?

After we had released the file, we had discovered an international adoption specialist that reviews files by email. I told Joe what I had done (ok, I texted him again...I'm a goober, but he was at work & I wasn't sure what he would make of any emotional ramblings that I would try to put together to explain), & he agreed that we should send her file to be reviewed so we could at least have a better understanding of this little girl's potential needs. Being that it was a holiday weekend, I thought it might be the next Tuesday before we would hear anything. Umm, no, the doctor called us at 10:00 that night! By the ~~end of the phone call~~ end of the weekend, our hearts knew. We sent off a different email to our agency than before...this one said we have found our daughter & would like to move forward with her adoption.

The phone call from the specialist did not make her needs go away. She is still missing her fingers, & she still has spina bifida. However, we felt we had a better understanding. But even more important, we know that we know that we know that God has woven this child into our hearts. She was no longer a file of a child with a diagnosis...she became our daughter.

To be continued...

Reality

2011-11-11T17:24:00.001-08:00

**I still have a Part 4 that I am working on, but I have been up to my eyeballs in stuff, & I do believe I am now going to use my dear blog friends to decompress from said stuff!**

Every once in awhile when someone finds out the size of our family, we get the ever-so-cute, "Are you going to have your own reality TV show?"

I am fairly certain that my reality is not TV worthy.

However, it is reality. And today has been one of THOSE days.

First of all, our garage has been full of stuff we need to sell. Yes, I realize it is almost the middle of November. That's why I realized it is really now or never. So in a brilliant move on my part, I scheduled an ad to run in the paper, beginning today, for the sale tomorrow. I figured a deadline would be a good thing. Would have been a great plan except that I forgot that this weekend I am flying solo. Joe left this morning. Dude.

I tried to get some things done today, but not an easy task with a one-year old, mobile child that should have a hurricane named after her. Then, I had Kade's yearly physical on the books. But I can do this. When it was just about time to leave to pick Kade up from school, I came downstairs to find Kaya half undressed, watching TV. Ugh. We were only 5 minutes late to the doctor.

Deep breath. We can do this. Except that while trying to get the kitchen cleaned up so I can cook dinner, the drain in the sink backs up. This never happens. There is now a plunger in my sink.

On to dinner. Breakfast for dinner is a treat, so on the menu was a breakfast casserole & homemade blueberry muffins. I was feeling pretty happy with myself for not getting the cheap muffin mix.

Somehow, I managed to burn those suckers but good. Should have just gotten the cheapy muffin mix.

And this? I am pretty confident no one would find the view of my laundry room entertaining. Well, the random Santa hat in the mix might bring a snicker. Oh, & this is nothing. I'm guessing there's another 3 loads on the floor in the kids' bathroom, & there's 5 loads waiting to be folded in my bedroom. No pictures of that. I do have some personal pride.

And for the finale, we have the garage sale. I've been out there since putting Kendi to bed, freezing my bumpkin off, only to find that the pricing stickers will not stick b/c it's too cold. Of course, it is the middle of November. That must be why there aren't many other garage sale ads competing with mine. Note to self: All those folks that had garage sales in the summer were onto something.

So, what do you think? TV worthy? I didn't think so. I'm just hoping for a better episode tomorrow. And lots of people who like being able to see their breath while they are looking for a bargain. And something hot containing caffeine. The end.

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 3}

2011-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

**Warning** This post has the potential to become a bit of a love story.

An interesting thing happened in the midst of our wait for K'Tyo. I got that very antsy feeling in my heart about another child. Say what? I began wondering if we were supposed to be bringing home 2 children from Ethiopia. Finally, I contacted our awesome coordinator & began doing some processing about my feelings. At that point, there was still a possibility to receive another referral, but as time went on, it became apparent that getting another referral was not going to happen. However, THAT feeling was still there. After some further discussion with our coordinator, we opted to be put on the waiting lists (at the time, the agency we were with allowed for this). We did not share this information with anyone because we just really wanted to focus on K'Tyo's homecoming & not take away from that.

I fell hard for Ethiopia. I loved the people. I love my son from there. I was very excited to be going back, & we were steadily moving toward the top of the lists. And then Joe dropped a bomb. This man of mine has never been one to flex his "head of the household" muscles, but he informed me that deep down, he was feeling that our child was here & he really felt like we should remove ourselves from the wait lists. Remember my "here, there, everywhere" comment in my last post? My heart was "there", but Joe was saying "here". Huh? I must admit I was more than a little ticked that God was talking to Joe about these matters! ;)

In Part 1, I mentioned that learning more about my marriage has been part of the testimony. The journey to Kendi was a HUGE time of growth in our marriage. After some prayer, I realized I had a choice to make. I could pitch a fit & get my way (I can pitch a pretty good fit), or I could take a step back & let my husband take the lead. The truth suddenly hit me hard...why would I not trust my husband? His heart is just as invested in following the Lord in this passion for children as my own. And not only that, he is always doing things to make me happy, so why would he come up with some idea of changing direction if he didn't feel strongly that that's what God was calling us to? So, I removed our names from the wait lists & we began working with a private agency in our state.

We have had some people ask us in the past about feeling "the same" about our adopted & biological children. At the risk of sounding mushy or like I am romanticizing this, I can honestly say that even though these children were not conceived by us physically, they were conceived nonetheless. At this point in our journey to Kendi, we still had not told anyone, & we really felt like this was something very special between us...yep, I guess you could say Kendi had become our "love child"! So, we continued to keep it between us.

There were still moments I struggled with not going back to Ethiopia. I struggled with waiting for someone to "choose" our big family with "mature" parents. But God.

In church one Sunday, this verse was part of the sermon:

"The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help." ~1 Timothy 5:5

Lightbulb...I had just read something that referenced today's single mother as the modern-day widow. I began praying in earnest, wondering if this was the type of situation God had been breaking Joe's heart for. In less than a week, the answer was yes. Have you ever noticed, though, that God tends to go above & beyond as He answers prayers? This time was no exception. Not only did He bring our hearts as one for this birth mother & her child that was also our child, but He used this birth mother to convict me of another truth. I had been convinced that no birth mother would choose our family due to it's size (I mean, that's what all the adoption experts say...birth mothers typically want smaller families) & the fact that we are ~~older~~ more mature, so I figured we were waiting for an emergency situation where the birth mother would leave the choice of families to the agency. We were open to a variety of needs, so sooner or later we would be next in line. But God.

This birth mother CHOSE us out of several profiles. I do not say this boastfully. As a matter of fact, I am still quite humbled. Through this birth mother, God reminded me that our family is just the way HE intended for it to be. I love this big, beautiful family the Lord has blessed me with, & there is to be NO shame in that! But that's not the end of this birth mother blessing us... we had the opportunity to meet, & she proceeded to tell us, "I did not know what I was going to do. I was praying to God every night." Just like the verse He gave me. Beyond humbling.

Yes, indeed, this journey to Kendi was very much a love story, but not just Dardi & Joe's love story. It's God's love story. God loves His children so much that He never leaves them where they are. Status quo can be good, but He used an adoption journey to say, "You're marriage can be even better...as your capacity to love more children can grow, so can your capacity to love & trust each other." God is just cool like that.

Kendi Hope

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 2}

2011-11-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

As mentioned in Part 1, I was learning to trust God with my everything. That includes *my* plans. As Kaya's adoption day drew nearer, we had that undeniable desire to adopt another child. However, WE wanted the road to our next child to be easier. Don't laugh...I know that "easy" & "adoption" do not go together, but this mama was emotionally spent from the roller coaster we'd just endured for 2+ years, so I was hoping for something a little less taxing.

Now that we had gone back to babyhood, we were thoroughly enjoying it. So, we got in touch with an agency about adopting an infant transracially. I filled out the paperwork. But then it sat. Finally, Joe asked me what was up b/c this chick does not leave paperwork just sit. I remember something didn't feel right. I was carrying out my plan, but was it God's plan? We knew that we were to adopt again, but were we headed in the right direction?

I believe one of the first things I began learning with this adoption was how to listen. It's so easy to get going full steam ahead & forget who is supposed to be steering. Finally, I did that dreaded surrender thing...lol. And prayed.a.lot. God has definitely taken His time answering prayers along the way, but in this instance, I think He was waiting for me to ask, & didn't hesitate to answer (I sort of see Him going, "Finally...."). Within a few days, we were staring at a picture of K'Tyo on our computer screen. I remember Joe saying, "Can we actually get to him?" Some of our experiences had shown us that just because a child was on a photolisting didn't mean that you were going to be able to pursue them as your child. And, really? This was an international adoption situation. We didn't think we would EVER do anything internationally (do you see a pattern forming?). I mean, where do you begin with the paperwork? And the finances. Then there's travel. And the finances. There's little background information on this child. And the finances.

But God.

Was this "easy"? I don't know if that's the right word, but it was as if we were just being "swept" along...one thing led to another & then to another. We just kept getting affirmations that we were doing what we were supposed to, & everything kept falling into place, including the finances. There were definitely some emotional moments, but anything involving the heart is emotional. From beginning (we had NOTHING done for an international adoption) to K'Tyo coming home was slightly less than 7 months...crazy!

I learned much about the heart of God during this adoption. First, I became very aware of life outside my "comfort zone". God does not have the same dividing lines for this earth that we create. Ever heard, "We need to take care of 'our own'"? No. God calls us to love one another. Period. He doesn't say love those that look like you & live in your country. He says love one another....here, there, everywhere.

I also became very aware that God really does have the best for me, even when there were times it didn't seem like it. As we were waiting for a court date, there was a group of families that were all due together. Post after post starting coming in from these families on our yahoo group about receiving a court date, but I had heard nothing. When I saw a call coming in from our coordinator, I thought certainly it was about us having a court date, too. Instead, she was calling very apologetic b/c for some reason, our paperwork had been left behind. I was sad, but at least knew our paperwork was ok & should be in the next round of court dates. When I got the call about our court date, I cried...it was scheduled for my birthday. I thought that was just the best present ever! And then we didn't pass court. I'm not gonna lie...I was crushed. I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. It was my birthday, for goodness sake! It wasn't until a few weeks later when we would have been traveling that I realized God gave me the best present ever by NOT letting us pass court on my birthday. We would have been stuck in Europe in the midst of the ash cloud chaos. I know it was not an easy situation for anyone involved, but for us, it would have been devastating. Financially, we could not have handled being stuck out of country, but even more important, Joe would have been beside himself with worry b/c he stayed behind while Kameryn & I went. God was in the details, & I became very aware that my perspective is not His.

As I mentioned with Kaya, I learned much about finding strength & courage in the Lord. This journey brought to life, "With God, all things are possible." We learned about stepping outside the box of conformity to follow God's will for our family. We learned about stepping out of the boat to follow Him, even if that meant traveling over 8000 miles across the ocean to bring home a son. We have come to the realization that God desires for us to live our lives following Him...it's an adventure, & all we have to do is say "yes". Is it easy? No. Scary? Sometimes. Glamorous? No. Worth the blood, sweat, & tears? You better believe it!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." ~Romans 12:2

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony: {Part 1}

2011-11-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

**So, in honor of November being Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month, I was going to do "a" (singular) post about my testimony, but quickly realized THAT would be looooong, so I'm breaking it down into four parts. You're welcome.**

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Adopting a child could very well be a testimony in and of itself. But for me, each of our adoption journeys has been the catalyst for God teaching me more. More about His heart. More about trusting Him. More about my faith. More about my marriage. More about love. More about me.
And more that it's not about me....my life is not my own.

Looking back, I think God began a work in my heart for adoption a very long time ago...I just didn't know it. ;o) For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. For some reason I can remember a time in the 2nd grade thinking that having a baby would just be the best thing ever. I thought that if I prayed & hoped hard enough, I would wake up to find one in my bed in the morning. Needless to say, I was disappointed. A bit embarrassing, I know. Moving on...

Somewhere along the way, I began to feel like this desire in my heart for motherhood was not something to be proud of. I felt "less than", if you will. I mean, all these women are out there doing glamorous things & I was "just a mom". Through a series of some devastating events, in early 2005, I found my way into a women's study that was pretty intense. I went in looking to "fix" some other things in my brain. I left transformed in a totally different way than I had anticipated (of course!). I left embracing the fact that God has put this passion for motherhood in my heart. Adoption was still not on my radar, but I think God used that time as preparation. My last journal entry from that study was on 8-6-2005 (remember this...it has significance). It read, "I don't know where all this is leading, but I will surrender & trust in You."

Fast forward to 2006. Joe & I attended a ceremony where there were many youth involved that were part of the foster care system. My heart was absolutely broken. We began exploring the possibility of adopting an older child that was already in permanent custody. We were told by the agency that we decided to work with that young children & babies are rarely available, to which we replied, "That's not what we're looking for, & we are NOT interested in fostering." Someday, I will learn to NOT draw lines in the sand. Anyway, we did have to get licensed as part of the process. Two matches ended up falling through (not by our choice), & we were so sad & confused. At one point, we began looking at private adoption, but just weren't sure about starting over with a baby (ha!). During moments of mental turmoil, I find comfort in journaling, which ends up being my prayers on paper. In February, 2007, I wrote, "Lord, I do not know what the situation will be, but I ask that Joe & I would be secure in the knowledge that You do know & will equip us."

In August, 2007, we got a call that turned our world upside down. Our agency called on behalf of a county an hour away looking for a stay-home mom to foster a preemie. Yes, I said I would *never* do foster care, but I prayed that God would either open the door or close it tight. It seemed improbable that they would end up using us considering everyone seems to want babies & we were so far away, but the only reason I could find to say no should they call was only about "me". The next call came & said, "You're it", & so the walk of faith began. And that date I told you to remember...EXACTLY 2 years to the day that Kaya was born. And that prayer I just mentioned from February trusting the Lord with the situation & that He would equip us for it? That was when Kaya was conceived. I truly believe journaling is such a good thing because we can go back & see how the Spirit is guiding our prayers, & how God is preparing our hearts.

For me, Kaya's adoption journey was a faith walk like I've never experienced. I learned what it means to be completely dependent on God for each step. There was no one on this earth that could tell me how this would all turn out. My trust was in His plan, whatever that looked like. And every ounce of strength to walk that road for over 2 years came straight from Him. In those 2 years, He also increased in me a love & tolerance for broken people that I never knew, & I believe this journey gave me what I like to call the courage to step out of the boat when God asks. It taught me that faith is not neat & tidy; it is rarely comfortable...there are times it was actually knee-buckling, let-me-off-of-this-ride kind of faith. But I learned that I could come before God looking & feeling like a hot mess, & He was patient with me. It was ok. He's my Father, & He loves me wherever I am. I learned I can bring Him everything...I mean every hope, every hurt, every bit of angry I can muster...& He's ok with that. It doesn't mean my faith was any less. It meant I was learning to trust Him with my everything....

Kaya Ashley Faith

8/2007 ~ Came Into Our Home & Hearts

11/4/2009 ~ Adoption Day!

We are....

2011-11-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

D ** T ** C

Yes, indeed!! Today, our dossier is on its way to China!

And, quite frankly, I can't decide whether to laugh, cry, or collapse on the floor. Or maybe I should just skip all of those & have a little get-together with a box of hair color.

Whatever. It's all worth it to get one step closer to lil Miss Kemeri Abigail.

No "Futbol" for Our Ethiopian Dude {Yet}

2011-11-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

Nope. We gave him the choice between "futbol" & "football", & the American version won out. Might have a little something to do with the fact that he thinks his brother is just plain awesome
& likes to do whatever he's doing.

Whatever the reason, K'Tyo played football, but to his dismay, it was "only" flag. I get the feeling this may be another way he's like his brother in that he will be counting the days until he gets to play tackle.

Of course, Mom waited until the last game of the season to remember the camera, & it was flippin' cold! Ah, well, the hat & long socks add a fashionable statement. :o) He'll love me for it someday.

I must say, he really started "getting it" as the season went on.

The funny thing about this picture is it looks like he's getting ready to launch a bomb. Actually, he just SCORED a touchdown (Woo-Hoo!!) & was throwing the ball to the official. But he looks awesome doing it!

And, yes, he still smiles. A lot.

Plays some good defense, that son of mine.

I guess he doesn't smile all the time, though...looks pretty tough, don't you think?

Check him out....Quarterback for this play, just like Kade (his words)!

Nice hand-off, dude!

On the way home, we asked him if he was glad he played football & if he had fun. His response: "I liked it when we won, but I didn't like if we 'loosed'". Hmmm...He is undoubtedly Kade's brother.

Wordless Wednesday {Remembering Warmth & Sunshine}

2011-10-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Kade is 12

2011-10-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

Twelve years ago today, Kade came into our lives, our 5th baby.

The boy loves everything football & basketball. When he was little, most other kids played with trucks & action figures...Kade played with footballs & basketballs.

This past Sunday, Kade played his last game in the youth football league in our town. Seems like just yesterday he was counting the days until he was old enough to play tackle. Now he's finished his 2nd year of it.

Kade was Team Purple's quarterback. For as long as I can remember, he has loved this position. "Dad, wanna throw?" can be heard any day of the week at our house. This was not our choice for him...it is what he is passionate about & works hard at.

Their team went undefeated this year, but not without having to show a lot of character & determination in the process. I think every game but one they had to come from behind.

Honestly, I was nervous about Kade wanting to be quarterback. That position is a target, not just of players on the other team, but it is a target for criticism. Yes, even at this age. Joe & I have been faithful to pray for his protection, both physically & mentally. God answered those prayers in awesome ways.

One of my favorite testimonies is the answer to one of my prayers. "Lord, if Kade's supposed to quarterback, please give him a fortress for a line." Do you see that line? Seriously, awesome.

Kade also got to play with one of his best friends that he's known since preschool. Bryke is taking a pitch from Kade in the above picture...they worked together to make for some exciting moments this year!

Somehow this boy of mine reigns in his intensity & keeps his composure. I think he turns it loose, though, when they score b/c he's always one of the first ones in the end zone to congratulate his teammate.

Cameron is the center of that fortress I prayed for. He's been awesome & is now one of Kade's good friends.

There goes Bryke (again!).

Kade has made some great friends this year.

And he is so looking forward to middle school next year when they all get to play on the same team (the boys are divided amongst four teams & play a couple other teams from another school, too).

It's been hard for the boys not to get to play all together, but one of my favorite moments from this year happened when Kade was playing against a friend's team. His friend was also playing QB, & right when his friend put his hand back to pass, he got tackled. Kade & Bryke were standing on the sideline yelling to their friend, "Don't drop that ball!!" They may have been playing against each other, but they were rooting for their friend.

At the end of his last game, their team was on defense. Their coach made sure all the 6th graders were in for the last play of their youth league career, so Kade got to play some "D", too. Did I mention the other part to those answered prayers? Awesome coaches that spent every practice & game teaching & encouraging these kids.

Kade, you make us proud every day with the way you invest your heart in everything you do from playing sports & hanging with your friends to being a brother/son. We love you & will always be your biggest fans... ...even though you insist on game faces for pictures! ;o)

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:13

Sunday Snapshot: Ice Cream, Presents, & Cake

2011-10-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

In that order.

Kendi's 1st birthday was this past Tuesday, but we waited to officially celebrate until last night. Kameryn & Kade decided the occasion could not go without some kind of somethin', so they ran to the golden arches & got the birthday girl her very own ice cream cone.

I'd say that was ok by her.

Thanks, Grandma & Grandpa for a bag as big as she is!

And she thought the pillow pet was pretty awesome, too!

She was digging the cell phone...does this mean everyone else's is safe now?

The wayward flip-flop was not part of this gift. Nice.

And then there was cake!

She was a bit disappointed when the candle was out....

...but the disappointment was short-lived. Seven other children, & this was our first time witnessing this cake-eating technique. Loved it.

She went in for a bite over, & over, & over again.

I think I quite liked her technique. Notice the hands & clothes stayed chocolate-free!

Happy Birthday, Kendi Hope! We love you!!!

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She's a Year Old!!

2011-10-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today, Kendi Hope is a year old!

And, oh, how we love her bunches!!

We had the chance to tag along with Daddy last week on a business trip that took us by way of one of our favorite places...Hilton Head Island.

It was extra special to be there with our little punkin for the first time. We spent much time on this very beach last summer lifting up prayers about the baby we only knew in our hearts.

How blessed our lives have been by the answer to those prayers.

She was completely fascinated by the water. I was lucky to get these pictures b/c she was on a mission.

Her serious face just cracks me up.

It was a sweet time for the sisters. The bigger kids had to stay home for school.

Miss Kendi finally got her way...the photo op was over & it was time to sit down in that water!

No words necessary. ;o)

Looks like she's running, doesn't it? That's b/c she is.

I could not resist a few more tutu shots on our last day.

Happy, happy birthday sweet girl! We all love your happy, sassy presence in our family...We have been so blessed by you!

I Love My "Job"

2011-09-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

I mean, seriously, how could I not love it?? Today, I got to go to the park, be out in the fresh air & sunshine, watch these sweet girls play, & feed the ducks. Yes, there are days like yesterday when I am climbing Mt. Laundry Pile, but it's these days that make it all worth it!

For those of you that have asked, we are very happy with the decision to keep Kaya home instead of sending her to preschool. She is returning to her happy self, & we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the right thing for our girl right now! And honestly, I am loving it & I think Kendi is thankful!!

2011-09-26T17:51:00.001-07:00

On the Move

2011-09-22T10:56:00.001-07:00

Just like that, we are now mobile.

Well, actually, Miss Kendi became mobile a few weeks ago at the ripe old age of 10.5 months, but I've been in denial about it.

But there's really no denying it. This girl is not just taking little wobbly steps. Oh, no.

We went to visit Daddy at the university today & she OWNED the place. These are a couple of the least blurry pictures Daddy caught with his phone. She won't stand still!!

Busy & cute is a very dangerous combination! ;o)

Sunday Snapshot: Simply Kemeri

2011-09-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

Look what we got!!
Kemeri Abigail is almost 18 months old now, & we were so thankful to receive some new pictures of her recently. She is so sweet, & I just want to kiss those cheeks.

I don't know, though. Her lips look pretty kissable, too.

And I'm just betting this partial smile can get really big.

I know I haven't talked about Kemeri's SNs, but as you can see, she has what my daughter, Kearsten, refers to as a "lucky fin". (We are huge Disney fans, & Kearsten is an intervention specialist major, so I was not surprised when she immediately & matter-of-factly made that positive connection.) This next picture just made me so proud of her because she is using both hands. Funny how things hit you like that.

*Sigh*. I love the pictures, but they are hard at the same time. She has already changed so much, & it will be awhile before we get there. We have our fingerprint appointment on the 29th, so we're hoping our approval comes shortly after from USC*S so that we can send off our dossier. Then we get in the next line of waiting.

We would be most thankful for prayers for our paperwork, & even more importantly, for Kemeri. :o) Thanks for letting me share!

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Acknowledging the Wounds

2011-09-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

They say that hindsight is 20/20. *They* are sooo right. I have now parented two daughters into adulthood & when looking back, I lament that I cannot have a do over with regard to the way I handled some things. It's the old, "I wish I knew then what I know now".

When Kaelee & Kearsten were very little, their first father left the picture. Shortly after Joe & I got married, Joe adopted the girls. Less than a week later, their first father was killed in a plane crash. It was a devastating time, but the girls were so little & it didn't seem to phase them much because they didn't really remember much of him. Over time, we just didn't talk about it & I dealt with my grief. In my young, inexperienced phase of motherhood, I figured why bring it up & cause unnecessary pain for them. That's the thing about wounds. Some of them are visible; some are not. But just because you can't "see" them doesn't mean they aren't there.

Over these last several years, Joe & I have become quite versed in the effects of trauma on children. For Joe in his professional life, this has become a passion as he travels the country speaking to & training educators about working with wounded children based on his years of experience in education working with struggling kiddos. For us in our personal life, it has become a reality.

We've had a big dose of reality in these past couple of weeks. What should have been an exciting, happy time went south...way south.

Let me backtrack for a minute. If you've been around my blog for awhile, you know that Kaya came to us at 2 days old through foster care. After a looong 2+ YEARS, we were thankful to have the opportunity to adopt her. I have never shared much about those 2+ years because I want to be careful to not make my family feel like I'm hanging our undies out for the world to see. However, I also know that for me, one of the reasons I read blogs is to learn, grow, & feel encouraged that life is not perfect for everybody else & that other people understand that life is hard sometimes for all of us.

Life was VERY hard during those couple of years. I think some people have the misconception that since Kaya has been with us since near birth, that she has had it easy. Honestly, when I think back, it overwhelms me. For those 2 years, we had a case plan that dictated what had to be done, & it took a toll on every person involved. Twice a week she had supervised visitation that rarely ended well. At first, I would go to the courtyard to read a book or go to a nearby store to pass the time (visits were in a town an hour away, so going home was not an option), but after several episodes that resulted in a social worker trying to find me to console Kaya, I quit leaving. I planted myself in the waiting room so that they could find me. Again, this is hard to share because there's a lot more to it. At first some people thought it was typical separation anxiety because she had become attached to me. Over time, it became apparent that it was fear. Anyone that thinks that an infant, toddler, or young child does not have a sense of discernment should rethink that stance.

Fast forward to these past couple of weeks. Kaya got a brand new backpack & was all excited about starting preschool with the same teachers K'Tyo had last year. They are wonderful, & I was so excited for her & this new adventure. The teachers visited us at home, we went to open house, & then the first day. We had been through this routine countless times with K'Tyo, but when it came time for Kaya to be dropped off (a teacher comes to the car), Kaya unfastened her buckle, jumped out of her carseat, & began freaking out. She was clutching at my neck, kicking, screaming...holy smokes. Somehow, the teacher managed to get her out, & by the time I picked her up, she was fine & the teachers reported that she did well. However, we saw red flags everywhere. She began waking up crying in the night & ended up in our bed, she began acting out (naughty beyond the "normal naughty"), scared of everything, & the first words out of her mouth in the mornings were, "I'm scared...I don't want to go to preschool" as she became an appendage to me as I was trying to have the normal before school routine with the other kids.

Years ago, I would have drawn on the old "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mode of operation & figured she would get over it. But knowing what we know now, Joe & I both knew we needed to trust our gut, and our guts were saying that she's not ready. While she can't verbalize where her feelings are coming from or what is triggering her fear, it is very real. I think there are definitely times in life when we do need to pull ourselves up, but I've also learned that life deals us things that are downright ugly. And some of those things show themselves in ways down the road that we need to recognize for what they are...past trauma & hurt that may need some extra TLC & flexibility in the way we do business.

I won't lie. I look forward to the kids going to school. To me, it's an exciting time & I love hearing about their daily adventures. I have never envisioned myself as a homeschooling mom (I totally admire the ones that are). But here I am with a little one that needs to be home, where she feels safe. For how long? I don't know. I do know that finally, over these past few days, she is returning to being herself. I know that we have done the right thing. I know that I will do whatever needs to be done as I take my cues from her & hope that I get it right more than I don't. And I will pray that God heals the places that hurt so that she may find a sense of confidence & security.

I am also thankful that even though I am an imperfect parent with much to learn, Kaelee & Kearsten have turned out to be beautiful young women that are using their gifts to teach children. And while I wish I had helped them to better deal with their losses early on, I am thankful that God works for good in all things, & you can see that He has used their past to influence their present to impact the future.

. . . and I'm not crazy either.

2011-08-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I explained that I'm not amazing. I had intended to get to "Part 2" sooner, but life has been coo-coo crazy. While life has been that way a little, I would like to let y'all know that I am not! :o)

On one end of the spectrum, we get the "You're amazing!" comments, but then there's the other end...the folks that flat out say, "You're crazy!" Just recently at my son's football practice, I was introduced to someone, & when my friend told her that I have 8 children, without skipping a beat, she looked at me & said, "Why!?!" She was not at all mean-spirited about it, so I took the opportunity to tell her why I am NOT crazy, & how God is amazing!

Quite frankly, I am thankful. We are told all the time in church to be a light in this world. Me? I am only one, & not a real fancy one at that! What could I possibly do?

A couple of Sundays ago, my pastor had this to say:

"Your story means just as much as anyone's in the Bible."

How cool is that? But wait. How do our stories become important? This is where it gets tricky, because we have to give up trying to be the author.

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living." Hebrews 11:1

Pastor Dave asked the following question:

"Are you in your own story or God's story?"

He went on to say that we can be completely consumed by our own perspective & that other people or things can hijack our stories.

"Your identity should not come from outward sources. Rather, it should be that of your inner self." 1 Peter 3:3

Easy enough, right? Not really. What I've been learning along the way is that when God becomes the author of our stories, it doesn't look like what the world tries to define as being success or happiness. As a matter of fact, God's material tends to appear like pure craziness.

And I'm learning to be okay with that. Actually, I'm learning to be excited about it, continually amazed at His provision for me to live out this story as it's unfolding. I've begun looking at others & instead of raising an eyebrow at what they're doing, I want to raise my hands & clap as I see that they've surrendered their copyright, & God is doing amazing things through them!!

You know that I'm passionate about adoption...about children having hope. That's where God has me right now. But it's so exciting to look around & see His hand at work in so many ways. I have a friend that just moved her whole family to Guatemala to do missions full time; I have friends that are pediatricians that shine their light every day in the lives of families; I have friends & family that are educators, & they use their gifts to teach children; I have a friend that just spent the last year traveling around the world doing mission work; I know of a man that walks up & down the streets of this town letting people know that Jesus loves them. The list goes on, & each story has it's own unique twist.

To some, it may look a little crazy. But I think that most everyone wants to see that you're "all in". And "all in" typically does not follow the norm. Which is what God is all about.

So, why do I have 8 children, with a 9th on the way? Look at these pictures I took today.

K'Tyo & Kaya had their first days at kindergarten & preschool, respectively.

Only 15 months ago, K'Tyo was living in an orphanage.

When Kaya came into our lives, I didn't know if I would get to see her go to preschool.

When I see these pictures, I see hope, & I am on-my-knees-kind-of-thankful that I have gotten to witness redemption firsthand. And I'm not just talking about the redemption of my children's lives, but of my own.

And "beauty from ashes" takes on a whole new meaning, & it satisfies my soul like no "thing" in this world ever could.

I'm not amazing...

2011-08-17T05:01:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that we women are never real great at accepting flattering words. For instance, someone says we look beautiful, & our first response is to tell them just what flaw they are missing. I have definitely been guilty of this over the years, but I have tried to receive more graciously, especially from my husband so as not to send him to the funny farm.

However, there's still one statement from others that literally makes me squirm (it's usually said when people find out we've adopted & are about to adopt again)... "You're amazing!" While I know these words are usually meant with the best intent behind them (so please don't feel bad if you're reading this & you've said them to me before), my first inclination is to say, "No!!! You don't understand!!!! I'm really a mess. I've done some really dumb things, made bad decisions, I've failed motherhood on more than one occasion, I've been a crappy wife at times, I have a temper..." and on & on it goes.

Why such a sensitive reaction? I think it's because up until several years ago, I was actually seeking such a compliment. I was constantly striving for approval in the eyes of others, burning myself out doing "good things" to justify my existence. Yes, I had a bit of a complex about being "just a mom" with no higher education except from the school of hard knocks.

The things I was doing were all good, but they weren't necessarily things God had placed before me. So, basically, I was relying on myself to accomplish good things to gain the approval of others. People, I would seriously cram 101 complicated crafts (which meant endless hours of prep) into a week of vacation bible school for 3-yr-olds b/c I didn't want people to think I bombed as a teacher. Fact of the matter is, I don't even like to teach children. I like outreach geared towards adults. But I didn't want to ever say no. There came a point that I was completely burnt out.

Sadly, it took tragedy hitting very close to home to shake me up a bit. On a whim, we went to a different church one Sunday. I guess sometimes when the pain gets so bad, you can't sit still & need to change the scenery. We ended up going to an adult Sunday school class at the church we visited, & it was the beginning of the end of me. I will never forget the teacher talking about Christians being burnt out b/c they're so busy performing. And then he looked straight at me & said, "Have you ever felt like there's got to be more?' Yes, I lost it. Moving on....

Over the next couple of years, I began to discover that my life is not my own. God has a purpose for every life, but until I was willing to trust Him & learn to "hear" His voice, I was going to continue on the hamster wheel I had jumped on.

But God. He is ever so patient. I love the song, "Mighty to Save". Some of the lyrics say, "Take me as you find me, all my fears & failures, & fill my life again. I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, now I surrender." Gets me every time. He has done just that...Where I saw a mess, He saw hope. Where I saw a temper, He saw passion. Where I saw failures, He saw possibilities. And so the transformation began. And IT has been amazing.

I think sometimes people think adoption is what my testimony is about. Actually, it is a result of what God has done in my life. Maybe that's why when people tell me that I am amazing, I get all weirded out. I didn't do any of this myself. God began a work in me that gave me the courage to look upward & step outside the box I had created for myself. I can't do any of this in my own power. There are days I could almost freak myself out if I thought about it too much!!! But then I remind myself again that my life is not my own, & I trust the One in charge.

Interestingly enough, a few months ago, my oldest daughter was asked by the parent of one of her friends, "What are your parents trying to prove?" Once upon a time, I would have been all up in that lady's grill defending myself. But the funny thing was, I had this overwhelming peace because for the first time in my life,

I'm not trying to prove anything.

Our Princess is 4

2011-08-08T19:43:00.001-07:00

Kaya Ashley Faith turned 4 years old on Saturday.

And today marks the day that she came into our lives 4 years ago.

We feel unbelievably blessed to be called Mommy & Daddy by this little girl.

She thought a pink candle was necessary in the top of her ice cream bar.

This birthday was full of princesses, barbies, & make-up.

Suddenly, she's not a baby anymore. She loves all things pink & that sparkle, & she can hula hoop like nobody's business.

Princess Kaya & Her Court

We love you, Kaya Ashley Faith!!!!

Fun in Nashville

2011-08-03T07:55:00.001-07:00

Recently, we got to travel with Daddy to Nashville since he was speaking at a conference. We got to stay at the Gaylord Opryland Resort, & it was beautiful.

The best part was just getting to spend some family time together once Daddy was done with his sessions for the day.

This last picture is not great, but it's the only one I have of all of us together. So thankful for a little break from doctoral studies, home study stuff, & the general distractions of everyday life. I'm so thankful for a husband that works hard for our family & loves to have us along when he travels!

The Name

2011-08-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

Wowza!

Picking Baby Girl's name has been quite a to-do.

But I think we finally have it. Funny, once we picked the middle name, then the first name was much easier. So, I'll begin with the middle name.

Just like with the moment God started working on me about the adoption of Kendi through a bible verse, so it was this time, too. With Kendi, the key word was "Hope", so it was really important for us to use that as her middle name. With Little K, the key word was "Joy". However, as much as I wanted to use it, Joy is also the middle name of one our nieces. We've shared names a few times in this family, so I know it would not have been a big deal to use Joy, but something didn't feel quite right.

Then the *DUH* moment...there have to be names that mean "joy". Yes, duh...

So, I began looking, but didn't have to look far. There it was, & it was perfect.

Abigail

"The source of a father's joy"

Better yet...my mom's middle name is Gail, which is a form of Abigail.

We've honored our dads through our sons' middle names, so we are so excited to give our sweet little girl a very special middle name...one that God knew all along!

And once we figured that out, the rest just fell into place. So, here are a few of the pictures from my first introduction post. If you remember, those pictures didn't load so well, so I'm reposting thanks to an advocate/friend forwarding them to me. They are the first pictures we saw when we fell in love with our girl.

We'd like to introduce . . .

Kemeri Abigail

We already love you, sweet girl, & we're working hard to jump through all of the hoops to get to you & bring you home!

Monday, Monday

2011-07-25T10:26:00.001-07:00

We just returned home from a quick trip to Nashville where Daddy was presenting at a conference. These are a few pics of the "children" entertaining themselves in the car. Hoping to post more pics soon along with some thoughts that have been swirling around my brain! :)

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

2011-07-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously, a good read. Had to share!

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

Catching Up

2011-07-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe not totally catching up, but it's a starting point. A friend asked me today how my summer's been. I had to think about it for a minute. It's the middle of July already!!! It's just been a very strange summer! It's flying by, but I'm not sure why it seems that way??

Anyway, this picture is loooong overdue...Kearsten (KiKi) turned 20 years old on Father's Day. I sure love this girl!!! :o)

She wanted an ice cream cake, & when I went to pay for it, the guy asked if I wanted her name written on it. Now, seriously. I thought he would do some pretty cursive on an angle...Noooo...We got block letters straight up & down. If I had known that, I would have let K'Tyo do it! What are ya gonna do but laugh?

Kearsten's friend sent cupcakes from those DC cupcake ladies...she was nice enough to share!

I do not know what to say about this except that it's typical. ;o)

My Girls!!!! LOVE them!

Daddy with his kiddos...I think there's plenty of room for "Little K"!

Since the weather was not particularly wonderful, the Wii dance party got going.

Other happenings as of late...

Joe continues to work hard in his studies & is speaking at a national conference in Nashville soon.

All of our documents are turned in for our China home study, & we have another meeting with our social worker next week. Hopefully, it will be done soon so that we can feel like we're taking steps towards our Little K. (And one reason I have not been a good blogger is that when I'm on the computer, I spend most of my time looking for just the right "K" name, researching special needs, or reading up on all things China!)

The Yukon is gone. We are now rockin' a 12 passenger Chevy Express!

We've been trying to squeak in some fun stuff in the midst of the craziness. We had a good time at the zoo recently, & this past weekend, we had a fun visit to my parents' place on the lake. Hopefully, some pictures of that soon! In the meantime, here's a couple more to wrap things up:

Happy almost weekend!! :o)

For the Love of Chocolate

2011-06-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

She may not have come from my belly, but this child has inherited something from me.

The love of chocolate.

And I would say she wears it well. I'm pretty sure I've sported this look myself in the past week as we've jumped on the adoption roller coaster again.

Too bad this look isn't so cute on a grown woman.

This is Good

2011-06-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

I reposted this from a friend on FB yesterday (thanks, Jenn) & decided it was too good to not post on my blog, too. It's almost 3 minutes of good stuff...take a listen!! :o)

Just Because

2011-06-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

*Sigh*.

It's all coming back to me now.

A little over a week ago I was busy, busy, busy getting our LOI paperwork together to submit to China in the hopes of receiving PA for "Little K". So exciting...so crazy.

And now I sit. It makes me crazy. I feel like I need to do something. Actually, I will either freak my social worker out or she'll think I'm just super on the ball, but I already have a pile of necessary "stuff" filled out & ready to go. Before we've had a visit or been given "the list".

Oy. I hope she doesn't catch on to my ~~controlling~~ efficient personality & freak out too much.

This part is hard. We're expecting. And we've seen her in pictures. But right now, all I can see are all the hoops & red tape in between us, keeping me from holding her.

But it is what it is, so instead of feeling yucky about it, I decided that I would post some pictures...just because. :o)

The Preschool Graduate (Ready for the big game, of course!)

Just had a thought...to pass the time in between shuffling papers, I think I might just begin stalking my other children with a camera since it seems the only ones I get to hold still for pictures are the littles, with the occasional teenager thrown in the mix. I bet they'll love it! ;o)

*********************

One Less

2011-06-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I should do and, with the help of God, I will do." ~ Edward Hale

I cannot tell you the exact day it happened, but it did. God began working on my heart about all the little ones waiting for a family in China. I was certain it was just me, but He was working on Joe, too.

And so, the wrestling match began. And the praying. And the wrestling.

And then the gift.

We have a daughter waiting for us in China. "Little K" has captured our hearts, & when we heard she "likes busy places with lots of people"...well, that's our family. God has already shown up in lots of amazing ways, but I'll save the details for another time b/c I know you just want to see our baby girl (especially you poor friends that I teased on FB!). And yes, she's still a baby as she's only 7 months older than Kendi.

I certainly hope that whatever she has in her mouth in this last picture was yummy...lol! (And I have no idea why the first pictures are so tiny!)

Thanks for sharing in our excitement!!

Please pray for us & for the daunting paperwork process that lies ahead. Most importantly, pray for our sweet girl, that her heart has hope & is already being prepared for her family.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

Adopting Out of Birth Order

2011-05-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

When adopting from Ethiopia, it is not uncommon to have only "guesstimates" with regard to a child's age. The further away from the baby stage a child gets, the harder it is to determine their age. Since children are not relinquished with birth records in hand, the folks in Ethiopia do the best they can to assign a child a birth date. Such was the case with K'Tyo.

When we first inquired about him, a birth date had not yet been assigned, but the general consensus was that he was a young 3. From the looks of the first pictures we received, we thought that to be fairly accurate judging by his appearance. So, in essence, we would be practically twinning he & Kaya.

Right before our court date, we were finally given a birth date for K'Tyo. Surprise!! According to this new information, he is almost 2 years older than Kaya, so instead of artificially twinning we were adopting out of birth order.

We were never really concerned about any of this because we knew God meant for this little boy to be in our family. Since that time, I have done lots of reading about the pros & cons of artificial twinning & adopting out of birth order...I am not trying to be controversial at all, but it's interesting b/c many "experts" say there are more cons than pros. However, there are lots of adoptive parents that think it's been a wonderful thing.

For us & our family? Hands down, it's been a wonderful thing.

Seriously, I have posted several times over the last year about how K'Tyo has not missed a beat with his place in the family. And he & Kaya? I did not pose them for this picture. I happened to have a camera close by when they came around the corner all giggles.

Now, don't think they don't have their sister/brother moments. Dude...Kaya is completely full of her 3-ness, which as far as I'm concerned, is way more challenging than 2! But K'Tyo is definitely one of the most patient & easygoing kids with his sister's shenanigans, & before you know it, she's over her twist & they are back to playing.

These two never cease to melt hearts with the way they stick together. When we are walking someplace, K'Tyo always takes Kaya's hand. When they want to play outside, you can find K'Tyo tying Kaya's shoes for her.

Much has changed over the past year (mostly the size clothes & shoes K'Tyo needs!), but I am so thankful that this sweet relationship between this brother & sister is one thing that has remained beautifully the same.

A Lot Changes in a Year

2011-05-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

Here are 7 of my 8 reasons to celebrate Mother's Day!

I am thankful every day to watch these children grow. And reason #8 that's missing from the picture? (aka Kaelee) She's up & left the nest for her senior year of college. *sniff*

Last year, I spent the majority of Mother's Day on an airplane.

Many, many miles, several time zones, & an ash cloud delay later, this was Mother's Day for me. It was a day I will never forget.

Just for fun, I took a picture of K'Tyo in the pants he was wearing one year ago today. He thought I was a bit loco, but we had a few laughs about it.

To make up for the silly dress-up, we pulled out the special duds. Is he not growing up & as handsome as can be??

In a way, I can't believe it's been a year already that we came home from Ethiopia, but on the other hand, it seems like he's been here forever.

Woven Threads & Brush Strokes

2011-04-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, we had an interesting thing going on in worship at church. The arts were used to demonstrate different forms of worship (poetry, painting, music, etc.) I love worship music, but outside of that, I'm not real "artsy" & wasn't sure I was going to get much out of this experience.

Boy, was I wrong. I had one of the most beautiful moments in my faith walk as a young man got up to paint. His work on that blank canvas began to parallel my life in so many ways.

At first, the brush strokes were confusing, sometimes even kinda ugly. Ooooh, but then, I began to see something wonderful emerging from what really resembled, well, a mess.

But here's where my eye for the beautiful collided with the eye of the artist. Just when I thought the picture was amazingly complete, that dude was reaching for more paint. No!!! Don't do that...it's good. Don't mess with it.

He did it anyway.

And he totally knew what he was doing. With each new stroke of color, whether I liked the color or not, this painting became more beautiful, more alive...it was breathtaking & completely unexpected.

Sounds like this life that God has been weaving together. From my perspective, it has seemed a mess at times. But for the most part, it seems just fine.

And then He weaves a new thread. Oh, my heart is so full.

But He wasn't done yet. Another dimension, another thread.

Oh, how the Lord has blessed my life.

And then He brought us a son. How wonderful. We are complete. It is good.

But He chose to weave more threads into this tapestry.

And then He began weaving threads that threatened to break my heart. Sometimes I felt completely tangled & wondered what was happening. I think He was breaking my heart to change the pattern of my tapestry, which was really never mine to begin with.

But this new pattern & tangled threads actually strengthened the fabric of this tapestry...His tapestry.

But He still was not finished.

And when it seemed that we certainly couldn't hope for anything more beautiful out of this tapestry, the great Artist has even more.

I've realized that this journey of God weaving the threads of my life, my faith, my marriage, my family, & my friendships into something of beauty is an ongoing process. There are knots, there are broken threads, there are some that go together in ways I never would have expected, but they are all working together. The term "beauty from ashes" has taken on new meaning as He continues the work with a perspective that is beyond me. I don't know what things will look like tomorrow, next year, or twenty years from now, but I look forward in hopeful expectancy of what He will do with each thread & every brush stroke.

Adoption Day

2011-04-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

KENDI

"The Loved One"

HOPE

"Expectation; Belief"

HAPPY FOREVER FAMILY DAY!!!

~Six Months~

2011-04-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

Six months ago today, Kendi came into our family.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been pretty emotional the last several days.

************

Maybe it's because I think how close I came to missing out just because I started to let the doubts & fears of this world creep into my heart.

Maybe it's because I think of her birth mom & am so in awe that she CHOSE to give this little girl life when this world says you can choose something else.

Maybe it's because when I look at her, I see the love & trust I have for my husband. He loved me enough to tell me "no" to Ethiopia because God spoke to his heart & said something different. And I trusted him enough to let him take the lead.

Maybe it's because of the special bond she has with each & every one of her brothers & sisters.

And maybe it's because she's my daughter, she's 6 months old, & I just love her beyond words.

Kendi Hope, you are an amazing little girl, & we love you!!!!

Where's Kendi?!?

2011-04-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

PEEK-A-BOO!!!

Lots of Life

2011-04-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

Basketball, basketball, & more basketball (Kam & Kade).

New apartment (Kaelee). Tears, but happy for her...this is what she wanted to do for her last year of college.

Rugby (my crazy KiKi).

Need to get to some shopping for Kyler...holy growing up!!

A bit of warm weather & sunshine, so little people have enjoyed some play time.

Husband working hard in his doctoral program.

A certain little "tunky-taters" has cut two teeth!!

And a busy Mama, loving life, but just too busy lately to put forth coherant thoughts in limited amounts of time! I do try to check in on many of you, though, because that's easy to do one-handed! ;o)

Be back, hopefully sooner vs. later, with some pictures!

Giveaway Winner!!!

2011-03-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

Through a very scientific, random drawing....

(ok, I wrote all entries on a piece of paper, threw them in a bowl, & had Kade draw one while holding said bowl over his head)

The Winner of the Wild Olive Adoption Tee is . . .

KELLY @ THE RAUDENBUSH FAMILY!!!!

(I will email you through your blog)

Congratulations, Kelly, & a BIG "thank you" to everyone that jumped in.

And remember, if you didn't win but would like to help out an adoptive family bring their sweeties home, you can visit Wild Olive Tees here, pick one of their cool adoption tees, & enter code JOHNSON1119 so your order benefits their adoption. Today is the last day, so hurry on over!

And finally, I pray a blessing over the Block Family in their new journey. If you're just catching up, please visit Amy's blog to see the adventure God has in store for their family & how you can bless them with your prayers, encouragement, and/or financial support.

This has been a fun week for me. Honestly, it's easy to get caught up in what's happening in our little world, but it has blessed me beyond words to jump into the lives of others. We're all a team, so I figure sometimes God calls me to go, & sometimes He calls me to send, & there's a joy that comes in being part of His team.

DRAWING FOR GIVEAWAY TOMORROW!!!

2011-03-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Whew, finally got some people to join in my first giveaway. I was starting to feel like that poor girl that nobody wants to dance with or something (which I may or may not have experience with)!!

Sheesh!!

But very cool news as far as the adoption tee I'm giving away!!!

Visit here to see a sweet family that's bringing home 2 beautiful punkins from China. (Their kiddos just happen to all have "K" names, too!) The tee that I give away will have their family code when purchased, so they will get money towards their adoption. And if you don't happen to be the lucky winner, I'm going to do the drawing early enough tomorrow so that you could go on over & purchase one & enter their family code.

I mean, seriously, cool new t-shirt for Spring PLUS helping a family bring home 2 treasures!?! I'd say that's a great investment!! :o)

And just to make it easier for you to join in the fun, click here to get to my GIVEAWAY post. There's several easy ways to enter (one being that if you've been a "lurker", you could easily become a "follower", which would get me out of the darn 50's...just sayin'), so take a minute to see what's happenin' with some special people & how you can be a blessing!!

**I'm going to do the drawing by 10:00 tomorrow morning so I have time to contact the winner & get the t-shirt order. If you've already entered, be looking for the blog post (or an email if it's linked to your blog) so I can get your pick of t-shirt & size. I want to place the order tomorrow so the Johnson family can get the credit! :o)

HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!!

Join in The Giveaway & Kendi Update

2011-03-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

REMINDER!!!! Only a couple more days to enter my giveaway for an awesome Wild Olive tee...click here to see how many ways you can enter!

And now, a bit of sweetness about our little Kendi-bug...

The princess cut her 1st tooth today AND we had our final post-placement visit!! Woo-Hoo...Happy Day!!

Giveaway Reminder!!

2011-03-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, people, you're killin' me here. My first giveaway, & up until a short while ago, I've had nothin' but crickets. (Thanks, Kelly, for getting things started...got you down for 2 entries!)

So, where is everybody?? Did I forget to put on my deodorant or what? Cause I know it ain't the prize, b/c everybody knows that Wild Olive Tees are awesome. So, in case you've just been busy & missed it, click here to read about the Block family & see how you can enter to win my first giveaway. It's not hard to get an entry, or two, or five! :o) I promise!!

A Most Important Post & GIVEAWAY!!!

2011-03-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

This post is a "piggyback" off of my post yesterday. If you haven't had a chance, please take a moment to read it.

Now, if you've never met the Block family, I would like to introduce you to them. I have been blessed by their faith, by their family, & by their friendship. Amy has been one of the most beautiful friends I have ever had, & we have never met in person. Last year around this time, she was in Ethiopia to bring home her daughter, Havyn. While there, she sacrificially gave of her time to go to the orphanage where K'Tyo was living to give him our family photo book for us. I will never forget that feeling of knowing my friend had loved on my son while I was waiting.

Anyway, in my post yesterday I mentioned being passionate about our path. The Block family is a living, breathing example of what this looks like. God has planted a dream in their heart, & they have said, "Yes, we will go!" Please watch this video, & then keep reading.

Can you just feel the love that's overflowing from this family? Me, too. I would like to now challenge & encourage you to step into their lives.

In a day when our world is full of video games & "reality" shows, it's easy to become detached from what's happening in the world & go about our own business. I'd like to share with you something that God taught us on our journey to K'Tyo...He helped us understand what it feels like to have people join you to help you walk the path God has invited you to. We did not have a big slush fund to draw on to pay for our adoption, so we sent a letter to family & friends asking if they would join us to bring our son home. It was one of the hardest & most humbling things we have ever done, but it was also one of the biggest blessings in our Christian walk. We have always been the ones to "give", the ones to "do"...To then experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end was like nothing we had ever experienced. I used to think if I didn't have a big amount of money to give, that it just wasn't worth giving at all. WRONG!! Every time someone donated to our adoption fund, I was brought to my knees, & it had absolutely nothing to do with the amount of money given. It was all about the feeling that someone was saying, "I'm with you. I care about you. I want to be part of what God's doing in your life."

So, friends, I would like to ask that you step into the lives of this family. No amount is insignificant, & every word of encouragement is a blessing to them. Even if you really have nothing to give financially, stop by Amy's blog & let them know your heart is with them. While we may not all have the same dreams planted in our hearts, I believe we are all called to stand together & be the hands & feet of Jesus to one another. And I happen to know that Amy will continue to blog once they move to Guatemala, so how cool will it be to know that you are a missionary with them!?

To make a contribution online, get the address to make a tax deductible donation, and/or leave an encouraging word, please go here. And since I probably won't get the chance to give you a hug in person, how 'bout if I share some love through a GIVEAWAY! Ooooh, it's my first ever, & I'm SO EXCITED!!!

So, here's the scoop: I'm giving away a Wild Olive T-Shirt from their collection that benefits adoption (if you don't know it yet, Amy & I are passionate about adoption, so I figured this was a fitting prize!). If your name is drawn, you get to pick your size & style from the Adoption Fundraiser Tees here & I will have it shipped to you. Here's one of my favs:

To get an entry for an awesome tee, you can do any or all of the following things (in other words, the more you do, the more entries you get!): 1) Make a donation to the Blocks (2 Entries for Every $10, so if you donate $50, you get 10 entries); 2) Leave an encouraging word for Amy's family on her blog in the comments section (1 Entry); 3) Link to my blog on yours (1 Entry); 4) Link to my giveaway on FB (1 Entry). 5) And since my number of "followers" has been stuck in the 50's for so long & I want to give another opportunity for an entry, become a "follower" of my blog, & I'll throw in another entry (ok, this last one will just make me smile!). Please leave me a comment to let me know what you've been up to so I can give you the right number of entries!

So, there you have it. Lots of ways to get entries for an awesome shirt for awesome causes. I will have a drawing for the winner on March 31st. Now, go get busy being the hands & feet of Jesus!!!

2011-03-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

"When the dream of our heart is one that God has planted there, a strange happiness flows into us. At that moment, all of the spiritual resources of the universe are released to help us. Our praying is then at one with the will of God & becomes a channel for the Creator's purposes for us & our world."

~Catherine Marshall

This was part of my devotion that I read last night, & I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. The theme of the devotion was about being "passionate about your path". It really struck a chord with me, especially when it speaks of the dreams of our hearts being ones that God has planted there.

When I look back over my life, I wonder how many times the dreams of my heart were influenced by society's ideals & not actual dreams that God so lovingly planted. It's probably too many to count.

However, I can tell you about the dreams God has planted. While the paths to these dreams sometimes felt like a scary nightmare (just keepin' it real), these dreams brought me closer to my Father because for those dreams to be reality, I could never do it myself.

People ask me all the time about why we adopted, how we knew where to go, what to do, etc. I have always said that He kept nudging my heart in ways that I could not ignore, nor did I want to. When I read this quote, it made me smile b/c I could just see those "nudges" as God with ~~a backhoe~~ a gardening shovel planting dreams in my heart.

And here's the result of a couple of those dreams (one of them has been much too busy playing outside to sit still with his sisters for a picture!):

Lord, thank you for these precious treasures conceived in my heart that have become a reality in our family.

Happy Birthday Momma!

2011-03-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

This is a blog takeover by her firstborn. She doesn't know I'm doing this. I figured she does birthday posts making all of us sound wonderful, but she never gets a blog post that tells how wonderful she is.

So, let's just start by saying that my mother is one of the most caring, selfless people to ever walk this earth. She always puts her children before her and she's always the first to hold their hand if they need a little bit of guidance. Trust me, I have 21 years of experience with this. She's always been there through the good, the bad, and the downright ugly, and that's everything you ever need in a momma. Even with eight children, she can always find time to listen to you. That's pretty special. I don't think I need to mention that she's special just for opening up her heart to children who need it most.

She always finds time to go to our "stuff." I can't think of anytime that my mom would not be at my activities. She finds time to juggle everything, and she somehow keeps track of it in a little planner that goes in her purse. I have a gigantic dry-erase calendar and it still doesn't work for me. She's crazy and we love knowing she'll come to support us at our activities. She'll always be our biggest cheerleader and biggest advocate. She's always got our backs and will always encourage us to do our best and fully commit to whatever we want to achieve in life.

Mom doesn't go without her "mommy-isms." I remember one time, my sister Kearsten and I were sitting and giggling on the steps, refusing to go to bed. My mom came and yelled at us, telling us to stop "sillying around." We laughed harder, having never heard that term. She ended up laughing too, trying to defend this odd choice of discipline words. My sister Kameryn is quick to point out Mom's lack of dance skill, as she is quick to jam out to music in front of Kameryn's friends. Luckily, I have had no experience with this, but she probably knows better. :-) She has a sense of humor. Glad she isn't so mean all of the time!!

Mom is crazy awesome, and I'm already lucky to know that she's becoming more of a friend to me as I get older. I think we'll keep her, only because she is kind of cool. ;-)

Happy Birthday Momma. You're the best person we could ever ask to care for us and prepare us to be the best we can be. You will always be special to us. We love you!!!!!! :-)

PS Don't be mad at me for starting off with an old picture. At least you're not in gardening clothes!!

"K'Tyo-isms"

2011-03-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

K'Tyo has quite a sense of humor. However, lately, the chuckles he has caused have not been intentional bits of comedy.

As well as he has adjusted to being here, I forget sometimes that there's still a bit that gets lost in translation. Thus, we are the lucky recipients of "K'Tyo-isms" that bring about quite a bit of laughter, especially from the older siblings. K'Tyo's a good sport about it all!

I do forget sometimes, though, that there are still some things that are so strange, & he is still a little boy adapting to new surroundings. Yesterday, for example, we headed to the mall b/c he was in dire need of new shoes (again...another WHOLE size!).

As we entered through a clothing department, he was suddenly lagging behind quite apprehensively. I turned around & asked him what was up. He said, "I'm afraid." I looked around & he pointed around with a sweeping motion & I realized that the headless mannequins had thrown him for a loop. Oh, mercy...once I did some explaining, he giggled a bit & we moved on.

And now, here's some of my favorite K'Tyo-isms from recently:

When we brought Kendi home, he stood beside me stroking her face & wondering where she came from asked, "Did you go to Ethiopia??" No. "Well, then, what, did you go to store?"

After straightening the toy room, he said, "Mom, it looks like nice!"

Last week, we had horrible stomach flu go through the house. He went to bed one night, only to reappear a few minutes later with a panicked look on his face. "I lay down & my belly go boom." I never did fully grasp what he was telling me b/c we were too busy scrambling for a barf bowl. He never did get sick to his stomach??

Kaelee asked Kaya if she wanted to be a gymnast when she grows up, to which she said yes. K'Tyo excitedly said, "Kaya wants to be Jesus!!"

And my most favorite to date: We've all been giving encouraging reminders to K'Tyo about being a good listener during circle time at preschool (Little Man is a bit social...imagine that). Kearsten prompted him with, "K'Tyo, who are you going to be good for?"

"Jesus, God, & Mom..." ;o)

Belated Birthday Post

2011-03-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

The flu hit our house. Hard. And this mama was bummin' b/c my baby girl, Kameryn, turned 17 on Friday, & I was laid out. I literally got all teary when Joe came up to check on me later in the day b/c I was supposed to have a date with my three "big girls" for dinner & a movie. Didn't happen. Hopefully, we can make up for it this weekend...thank goodness Kam has some awesome friends that brought her a cake & took her out for her day.

But today is a new day, & I am finally wearing something other than pajamas, so I decided a birthday post was in order.

Baby Kam-Kam...

Next week, nobody is going to remember what you wore today.

In a few years, nobody will recall your basketball stats or your other high school accomplishments.

But for a lifetime, people will remember your heart. And there is nothing that makes your Mommy & Daddy more proud than the hugeness of that heart of yours.

What a year this has been, & I will forever treasure the memories of our trip to Ethiopia to bring your brother home. One of my favorite memories is of our time at Children's Heaven when a few of those sweet girls were so excited to get to play basketball & soccer with you that they didn't want to quit even when the rains came.

Happy 17th Birthday, Baby.............

Can You Dig It?

2011-03-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

Take a listen...this one speaks to me.......

Looking to Live on Purpose

2011-02-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, we had a pool in our backyard. I remember the first time it was filled, we were so excited to get to swim in our pool. Mom & Dad told us we could get in for a bit before they put the chemicals in since we were so excited, but they also warned that it would be cold (actually, it was really, really cold). The excitement won out & we were goin' in!! And the best way to deal with something that you know is going to be uncomfortable is to just dive in. No just dipping in your tootsies...cannonball in over your head in one shot. After the initial discomfort, it was awesome!

Of course, we had to eventually get out & stay out for a couple of days after my parents shocked the pool with the necessary chemicals. During that time, the sun warmed that water up, too. Funny thing, though. After taking that initial plunge into the freezing water, this time in with the water warmed up should have been a piece of cake, but it still felt uncomfortable, so we just had to take the plunge. Sure would have been easier to lay out in the sun, but who wants to miss that fun?

I thought of all of this because I've been pondering a lot of things lately. I wonder, "How in the world did I get here?" I mean, I KNOW...every bit of it is a God story. He began a work in our hearts & lives quite some time ago that led us to where we are. I think what I'm wrestling with is where in the world did I get the gumption to jump into that??? And I wonder that because I find myself feeling like I'm sitting on the edge of the pool deck thinking certainly it will be easier to plunge into whatever God's calling us to next, right? Not so much.

Tonight, my house is semi-quiet. I have the basketball team here for dinner & an overnight, but that's normal. The littles got to bed early. Joe is away on business. It would be a good time to relax, but my brain just wouldn't be quiet. On a whim, I grabbed a devotional the kids found when we were cleaning today & turned to the thought for today (this is from 2 Minutes a Day--Knowing God):

LIVE ON PURPOSE

God chose you to be his people, so I urge you now to live the life to which God called you. ~Ephesians 4:1 NCV

Life is best lived on purpose. And purpose, like everything else in the universe, begins with God. Whether you realize it or not, God has a plan for your life, a divine calling, a direction in which He is leading you. When you welcome God into your heart and establish a genuine relationship with Him, He will begin, in time, to make His purposes known.

Sometimes, God's intentions will be clear to you; other times, God's plan will seem uncertain at best. But even on those difficult days when you are unsure which way to turn, you must never lose sight of these overriding facts: God created you for a reason; He has important work for you to do; and He's waiting patiently for you to do it.

And the next step is up to you.

Is it not the coolest thing that in the midst of my ~~confused, all over the place thoughts~~ ponderings, God put this in my path?

It is not unusual to hear me ask, "What's the plan?" of my children, my husband, & of God. I'm a planner by nature. The good news is that God has that plan...I just need to be ready & willing to dive in when He calls my name.

Cutest Chaperone Ever

2011-02-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Joe!!!

Yep, it's hubby's birthday. As I reported on FB earlier, I have managed to put on something other than ~~yoga pants & long sleeve t-shirt~~ "mommy-wear", NOT put my hair in a ponytail, AND applied make-up since we have a date tonight. Other than the dry spit-up on my sleeve, I think I'm doin' alright.

And it just so happens, we will have the cutest chaperone ever on our date.

The little darlin' has already figured out when Mommy & Daddy leave & has mastered the art of throwing a fit about it. No worries b/c this Mama & Daddy know that all too soon she'll be wanting to do her own thing, so we'll just enjoy that she likes to hang with us now!

~..~LOVE~..~

2011-02-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

Truth be told, the commercial aspect of Valentine's Day makes me crazy, so it's really not one of my favorite days.

However, I do love me some LOVE!

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~1 Corinthians 13

I am so proud of my kiddos as their gifts & talents unfold, but they know above ALL else, the most beautiful thing I see in them is their capacity to love. The moments that I have witnessed them loving each other & loving us over the past year are by far the greatest gifts they can give their mama. I went through our pictures from this past year & picked out some favorites...it was tough, but I narrowed it down to, well, a few! ;o)

And I get to enjoy these gifts every day all because I married the love of my life. I love you, Joseph...Thank you for being my best friend on this wild adventure & for being such a beautiful example of love to this family.

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Lots of wonderful Sunday Snapshot posts can be checked out by clicking the button!

Crazy Days & Lazy Days

2011-02-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

Our crazy days are filled with school, practices, basketball games & the like. All good things, but they keep a mommy busy.

The not so good things are the mounds of laundry that never seem to shrink & the dust bunnies that continue to multiply. The sock basket overflows, but somehow none of the socks match. Our standing rule has become if you have 2 clean socks, they match.

We've had quite a few lazy days recently with the ice & enjoyed 3 days off from school. We didn't get hit with as much snow as others, but lots of freezing rain. I'd rather have snow. The bigger kids thought the ice was pretty fun, though, b/c the whole backyard turned into a giant slip-n-slide. I looked out to find those ding-a-lings boogie boarding across the backyard. No, I didn't get any pictures b/c I was too busy yelling at them not to break anything. Kami managed to bite it once which resulted in lovely markings over her eye with a bit of swelling. Did I say these were lazy days? Never mind.

Kaelee is a huge fan of books, & the littles are very happy about that!

I know, Kendi is getting big. Kaya loves to hold her, but I think it's become more of a propping up!

Kendi thinks Daddy is pretty great...Actually, we all think Daddy is pretty great!

She's such a stinker! She has smiles SO BIG that it seems she will turn inside out...until the camera comes out.

Tummy time is so much better with partners!

And this next picture pretty much sums up what some days are like around these parts.

Yes, that would be Ella with a pacifier. *sigh*

No worries, though, b/c our little princess has no need for those pacifiers when she has something much more wonderful at her disposal.

Thursday Thoughts

2011-01-27T13:21:00.000-08:00

A friend posted this on FB today, & I have not been able to get it out of my head. When I find out who wrote this, I will share...in the meantime, I figured I'd let you chew on it for awhile! Have a blessed day!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Sunday Snapshot: {Baby Pictures}

2011-01-16T19:21:00.000-08:00

After duking it out with technology (you don't want to know), I have finally gotten some new pictures downloaded to the computer. My post is titled "Baby Pictures", & they are...of all my babies!! Now, I am too ~~completely annoyed & frustrated~~ tired for words, so enjoy the pictures!

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To participate in Sunday Snapshot & check out some other posts, click the button!

Why We Adopted & How Did You Know?

2011-01-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

This is a question a lot of people have for us, especially since we adopted after having 5 children biologically. Just the other day, a dear friend of mine blogged about this very subject & her words pretty much sum it up. Please take a moment to go check out the post here.

I also get questions about how we knew "where". The answer is the same as "why?": God. I was rocking Kendi this morning & watching the other two little ones playing on the floor when it hit me again...I become very emotional when I think of the journey to each of our children. Each journey was very different, but one aspect was the same: God would place an undeniable tugging on my heart that would become almost urgent in nature to the point I would become consumed with praying & seeking where it was He wanted us to go. I wish I could say it was always easy to understand or that I just said, "Ok!", because it wasn't like that. We would wrestle, pray, "quit", wrestle some more, pray...& then finally ask & surrender. Seems I always tend to leave that surrender part out, but once we would remember that it was crucial to hearing God & then following, the paths to our children would become more clear. And, honestly, each "path" was not at all the one we originally thought we ought to be on (you know, our plan vs. His plan). I said I would never do foster care, never adopt internationally, that I couldn't imagine that a birth mother would ever choose a large family for her baby. I am thankful each & every day that where I saw never, God saw the possibilities & the opportunity to stretch & grow our family's faith, transform our minds, & increase our capacity to love.

I don't know if God will call us to adoption again. But I know that there will be a day that He calls us again to something. I pray that I have ears to hear the invitation & that my response is an unwavering, "Yes, Lord" because I can't imagine what my life would look like if I had not said "yes" to adoption.

How about you? Is the Lord tugging on your heart? Please let me know if I can pray for you about something...Either leave me a comment or contact me through the email linked to my profile.

Family Friday: Group Pictures

2010-12-31T06:53:00.000-08:00

Here's the final batch of pictures. If you didn't see the others & would like to, check out my last two posts.

When I look at these pictures, I am amazed at how our family has changed & grown in this last year. Just last night after Kam's basketball game, an elderly gentlemen stood waiting for me to come down from our spot in the bleachers. I was holding Kendi, & he said, "Did you adopt her?" Evidently, he & his wife had been observing us during the game & they were genuinely interested, so I took some time to share.

And then he said, "You must be very special people." This embarrasses me to no end, & I always try to fit into the minute I have left to chat the truth. The truth is that we are not "special". Quite frankly, I'm flawed, & there are days that feel like I get it wrong more than I get it right.

However, I do serve a special God. An awesome God who desires that every one of us not be satisfied with a life of "status quo" nor a life lived chasing the American dream. He has unique hopes & dreams for each of us. What I wanted so much for this man to see is that the only thing special about me is that I trusted God, said "yes" & allowed Him to begin a work in me.

While our family has changed drastically in the last year, understand that this journey began many years ago. This has not been an overnight thing, & honestly, it's an ongoing work in progress. And while the adoption of 3 children through 3 different avenues has been part of the journey, it's definitely not the only aspect of the journey. It's been about transformation.

The way I view my relationship with Him is different.

The way I view myself is different.

The way I pray is different.

My relationship with my husband & children is different.

My hopes & dreams are different.

Again, it's not always easy & it's definitely not perfect. But one thing's for sure: I will never be the same, & I don't want to be. And the reality is, even though I've come a long way, I know I've still got a long way to go. But instead of fearing that, I pray that I would be in anticipation of continued growth so that I can be & experience everything that He desires for my life.

And you thought you were just getting pictures. ;o)

I pray that 2011 is full of many blessings & that we recognize & seek Him in every moment.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Batch #2 of Pictures: Individuals

2010-12-30T05:48:00.000-08:00

I started posting the pictures we had done for Christmas yesterday. If you missed those & would like to see them, click here.

Today, I'm sharing all of the individual pictures of my babies. :o) I'm also telling a bit about each of them, just cuz. And while I'm at it, I'll throw in the one of me & my hubby. We were told once at a marriage retreat to make a point of having pictures of just the two of us to symbolize that our marriage is a priority, so we do because it is!

Joe & Dardi

Kaelee, Junior in College, Early Childhood Education Major

Kearsten, Sophomore in College, Intervention Specialist Major (Special Education)

Kameryn, Sophomore in High School, Varsity Basketball

Kyler, Freshman in High School, Student Athletic Trainer

Kade, 5th Grade, Football & Basketball

K'Tyo, 5 yrs/Preschool, Seems to be Liking the Sports Scene

Kaya, 3 Yrs., Princess & Cheerleader (According to Her!)

Kendi, 11 Weeks, Princess-in-the-Making :o)

I intend to post the group pictures tomorrow. Three blog posts in 3 days??? Dude...it's unheard of for me!

Wonderful {Almost} Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, we got family pictures taken by a photographer. So as not to put you on cuteness overload, I will be posting them in groups over the next few days! ;o)

Our wonderful photographer gave me watermarked digital files so I could share them with all of you with a bit of protection added! :o)

Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-27T20:38:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's 3 days after Christmas, & yes, I am just now posting some pictures.

Tomorrow, I'm sending Christmas cards.

So, I'm running a bit behind. At least I'm still running, right?

Anyway, I love Christmas time & have become especially fond of our family time on Christmas Eve. It's just become a special, simple time with our kiddos, & this year was extra special b/c we have two more blessings than we did last year! :o)

We start the evening off by celebrating our Savior at a worship service.

I would say they clean up pretty good! When we get home, it is tradition that all of the kids get new books & jammies.

Once everybody has finished opening their gifts, they promptly get comfy in their new jammies. I adore this picture of Kaelee & Kearsten tag-teaming the task of getting Kendi changed.

Ok, this next picture is adorable & freaky all at the same time. No, Kendi cannot stand alone yet. You can hardly tell someone is holding her up...lol!

Kade got Mom a special present at the Santa shop at his school. The kids usually pick up a few things for Mom & Dad, so we open those on Christmas Eve, too. This year, K'Tyo gave us a gift of some special ornaments he made in preschool. He was so proud b/c we have a special tree that holds only handmade ornaments by the kids. I'm pretty sure I was too busy blubbering over those ornaments to get a picture.

Kearsten got me a sweet Willow Tree angel that reminded her of Kendi. She has curly hair, a headband, & is called the "Angel of Love".

When we finished gifts, it was time to enjoy some finger foods....

...and then some snuggling in with the ones we love.

So very thankful for the gift of His son so that we may enjoy moments such as these.

I hope that your Christmas was full of beautiful moments that will become treasured memories.

Sharing Special Traditions

2010-12-15T05:46:00.000-08:00

At the risk of being considered MIA, I thought I'd finally get something posted. I find myself just looking at my children, in complete wonder of how our family can look so different in just a year's time.

No family is perfect, including ours, but life is filled with perfect moments. Like our recent trip to the Christmas tree farm. This is a tradition that I cherish.

This year was no exception. While my children were in rare form & the pictures are filled with many very goofy moments, it was an absolutely perfect day! I love to watch the kids laughing & having fun together! :o)

And once again, K'Tyo took this new experience like every other one--totally in stride, enjoying it all!

I absolutely love these next two pictures! K'Tyo was totally into helping Daddy with the tree, & it just melted my heart (read: I got all choked up & mushy again!).

Hoping to enjoy some cookie baking soon along with some other fun family stuff! Hope you are enjoying the perfect moments that come your way each day!

Simply Family

2010-11-26T15:59:00.000-08:00

~*~Simply Blessed & Thankful~*~

Crockpot Doro Wat & My Little Assistant

2010-11-24T13:40:00.000-08:00

I snagged this recipe from my friend, Elya, who had posted it on FB. I decided to try it out for K'Tyo's birthday dinner & had a few people ask for the recipe, so here you go! I even included a picture of the finished product. We either ate it over rice or dipped sourdough bread in it.

My only criticism of the recipe was that it definitely needed salt. Supposedly, to make it really authentic, you should use 1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper vs. 1 teaspoon.

Now, that's just crazy talk. The teaspoon provided plenty of heat for this family's taste buds.

According to K'Tyo, it was "yummy" and made his belly warm! ;o)

Today, I got busy making homemade rolls for Thanksgiving at my mom's. This has become tradition & is a must as far as the kids are concerned. I try to make extra after finding out that the ~~hooligans~~ kids got up a couple of years ago after I went to bed & got into them.

This year, I had a little assistant to help with the efforts. Bless her heart, I think the swing lasted all of 5 minutes. She much prefers being held.

But it's all good. Soon enough, she won't care to "help" but instead join the rest of said children in sneaking the rolls after Mama goes to bed.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!

Happy Birthday, Kyler & K'Tyo!!!

2010-11-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

Funny thing...Out of all the days in the year, the Ethiopian government decided to give K'Tyo the same birthday as Kyler. Go figure.

Kyler is a good sport & doesn't mind sharing. So, over the weekend, we did a bit of celebrating early for these boys. K'Tyo has been patiently waiting his turn for a birthday since coming home.

I'm not gonna lie. These last few days have totally caught me off guard emotionally. I can't seem to keep from choking back tears at any given moment. First, my oldest son is now 15 years old & bigger than I am. Crazy. And then you throw my youngest son into the mix with his excited anticipation of having a birthday party for the first time with our family. It just totally got to me!

It was right after this picture was taken that it hit me. We were singing, & K'Tyo looked me square in the eyes with so much joy. Beforehand, he had asked for cupcakes, so when they were made, he was so excited & kept saying, "You made those for me?!" And then when it was his turn for "Happy Birthday", that look on his face will forever be etched in my brain. He liked his presents, for sure. But even more, he really seemed to grasp that he was being celebrated.

Kyler & K'Tyo ~ We celebrate you & all that you are!

We love you!!!