Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 3}

**Warning** This post has the potential to become a bit of a love story.

An interesting thing happened in the midst of our wait for K'Tyo. I got that very antsy feeling in my heart about another child. Say what? I began wondering if we were supposed to be bringing home 2 children from Ethiopia. Finally, I contacted our awesome coordinator & began doing some processing about my feelings. At that point, there was still a possibility to receive another referral, but as time went on, it became apparent that getting another referral was not going to happen. However, THAT feeling was still there. After some further discussion with our coordinator, we opted to be put on the waiting lists (at the time, the agency we were with allowed for this). We did not share this information with anyone because we just really wanted to focus on K'Tyo's homecoming & not take away from that.

I fell hard for Ethiopia. I loved the people. I love my son from there. I was very excited to be going back, & we were steadily moving toward the top of the lists. And then Joe dropped a bomb. This man of mine has never been one to flex his "head of the household" muscles, but he informed me that deep down, he was feeling that our child was here & he really felt like we should remove ourselves from the wait lists. Remember my "here, there, everywhere" comment in my last post? My heart was "there", but Joe was saying "here". Huh? I must admit I was more than a little ticked that God was talking to Joe about these matters! ;)

In Part 1, I mentioned that learning more about my marriage has been part of the testimony. The journey to Kendi was a HUGE time of growth in our marriage. After some prayer, I realized I had a choice to make. I could pitch a fit & get my way (I can pitch a pretty good fit), or I could take a step back & let my husband take the lead. The truth suddenly hit me hard...why would I not trust my husband? His heart is just as invested in following the Lord in this passion for children as my own. And not only that, he is always doing things to make me happy, so why would he come up with some idea of changing direction if he didn't feel strongly that that's what God was calling us to? So, I removed our names from the wait lists & we began working with a private agency in our state.

We have had some people ask us in the past about feeling "the same" about our adopted & biological children. At the risk of sounding mushy or like I am romanticizing this, I can honestly say that even though these children were not conceived by us physically, they were conceived nonetheless. At this point in our journey to Kendi, we still had not told anyone, & we really felt like this was something very special between us...yep, I guess you could say Kendi had become our "love child"! So, we continued to keep it between us.

There were still moments I struggled with not going back to Ethiopia. I struggled with waiting for someone to "choose" our big family with "mature" parents. But God.

In church one Sunday, this verse was part of the sermon:

"The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help." ~1 Timothy 5:5

Lightbulb...I had just read something that referenced today's single mother as the modern-day widow. I began praying in earnest, wondering if this was the type of situation God had been breaking Joe's heart for. In less than a week, the answer was yes. Have you ever noticed, though, that God tends to go above & beyond as He answers prayers? This time was no exception. Not only did He bring our hearts as one for this birth mother & her child that was also our child, but He used this birth mother to convict me of another truth. I had been convinced that no birth mother would choose our family due to it's size (I mean, that's what all the adoption experts say...birth mothers typically want smaller families) & the fact that we are older more mature, so I figured we were waiting for an emergency situation where the birth mother would leave the choice of families to the agency. We were open to a variety of needs, so sooner or later we would be next in line. But God.

This birth mother CHOSE us out of several profiles. I do not say this boastfully. As a matter of fact, I am still quite humbled. Through this birth mother, God reminded me that our family is just the way HE intended for it to be. I love this big, beautiful family the Lord has blessed me with, & there is to be NO shame in that! But that's not the end of this birth mother blessing us... we had the opportunity to meet, & she proceeded to tell us, "I did not know what I was going to do. I was praying to God every night." Just like the verse He gave me. Beyond humbling.

Yes, indeed, this journey to Kendi was very much a love story, but not just Dardi & Joe's love story. It's God's love story. God loves His children so much that He never leaves them where they are. Status quo can be good, but He used an adoption journey to say, "You're marriage can be even better...as your capacity to love more children can grow, so can your capacity to love & trust each other." God is just cool like that.

Kendi Hope

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony {Part 2}

As mentioned in Part 1, I was learning to trust God with my everything. That includes *my* plans. As Kaya's adoption day drew nearer, we had that undeniable desire to adopt another child. However, WE wanted the road to our next child to be easier. Don't laugh...I know that "easy" & "adoption" do not go together, but this mama was emotionally spent from the roller coaster we'd just endured for 2+ years, so I was hoping for something a little less taxing.

Now that we had gone back to babyhood, we were thoroughly enjoying it. So, we got in touch with an agency about adopting an infant transracially. I filled out the paperwork. But then it sat. Finally, Joe asked me what was up b/c this chick does not leave paperwork just sit. I remember something didn't feel right. I was carrying out my plan, but was it God's plan? We knew that we were to adopt again, but were we headed in the right direction?

I believe one of the first things I began learning with this adoption was how to listen. It's so easy to get going full steam ahead & forget who is supposed to be steering. Finally, I did that dreaded surrender thing...lol. And prayed.a.lot. God has definitely taken His time answering prayers along the way, but in this instance, I think He was waiting for me to ask, & didn't hesitate to answer (I sort of see Him going, "Finally...."). Within a few days, we were staring at a picture of K'Tyo on our computer screen. I remember Joe saying, "Can we actually get to him?" Some of our experiences had shown us that just because a child was on a photolisting didn't mean that you were going to be able to pursue them as your child. And, really? This was an international adoption situation. We didn't think we would EVER do anything internationally (do you see a pattern forming?). I mean, where do you begin with the paperwork? And the finances. Then there's travel. And the finances. There's little background information on this child. And the finances.

But God.

Was this "easy"? I don't know if that's the right word, but it was as if we were just being "swept" along...one thing led to another & then to another. We just kept getting affirmations that we were doing what we were supposed to, & everything kept falling into place, including the finances. There were definitely some emotional moments, but anything involving the heart is emotional. From beginning (we had NOTHING done for an international adoption) to K'Tyo coming home was slightly less than 7 months...crazy!

I learned much about the heart of God during this adoption. First, I became very aware of life outside my "comfort zone". God does not have the same dividing lines for this earth that we create. Ever heard, "We need to take care of 'our own'"? No. God calls us to love one another. Period. He doesn't say love those that look like you & live in your country. He says love one another....here, there, everywhere.

I also became very aware that God really does have the best for me, even when there were times it didn't seem like it. As we were waiting for a court date, there was a group of families that were all due together. Post after post starting coming in from these families on our yahoo group about receiving a court date, but I had heard nothing. When I saw a call coming in from our coordinator, I thought certainly it was about us having a court date, too. Instead, she was calling very apologetic b/c for some reason, our paperwork had been left behind. I was sad, but at least knew our paperwork was ok & should be in the next round of court dates. When I got the call about our court date, I cried...it was scheduled for my birthday. I thought that was just the best present ever! And then we didn't pass court. I'm not gonna lie...I was crushed. I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. It was my birthday, for goodness sake! It wasn't until a few weeks later when we would have been traveling that I realized God gave me the best present ever by NOT letting us pass court on my birthday. We would have been stuck in Europe in the midst of the ash cloud chaos. I know it was not an easy situation for anyone involved, but for us, it would have been devastating. Financially, we could not have handled being stuck out of country, but even more important, Joe would have been beside himself with worry b/c he stayed behind while Kameryn & I went. God was in the details, & I became very aware that my perspective is not His.

As I mentioned with Kaya, I learned much about finding strength & courage in the Lord. This journey brought to life, "With God, all things are possible." We learned about stepping outside the box of conformity to follow God's will for our family. We learned about stepping out of the boat to follow Him, even if that meant traveling over 8000 miles across the ocean to bring home a son. We have come to the realization that God desires for us to live our lives following Him...it's an adventure, & all we have to do is say "yes". Is it easy? No. Scary? Sometimes. Glamorous? No. Worth the blood, sweat, & tears? You better believe it!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." ~Romans 12:2

Me, Adoption, & My Testimony: {Part 1}

Edited 6/25/2013--If you are here via the linky from Adeye's blog post on domestic adoption, hello!  We have adopted domestically twice (the other testimony can be read in Part 3).  We have also adopted from Ethiopia & China (special needs).  Those stories are also located under my testimonies.  Thanks for visiting! :o)  You can also read a post here that is a continuation of some of the emotion from the experience of this journey.

**So, in honor of November being Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month, I was going to do "a" (singular) post about my testimony, but quickly realized THAT would be looooong, so I'm breaking it down into four parts. You're welcome.**

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Adopting a child could very well be a testimony in and of itself. But for me, each of our adoption journeys has been the catalyst for God teaching me more. More about His heart. More about trusting Him. More about my faith. More about my marriage. More about love. More about me.
And more that it's not about me....my life is not my own.

Looking back, I think God began a work in my heart for adoption a very long time ago...I just didn't know it. ;o) For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. For some reason I can remember a time in the 2nd grade thinking that having a baby would just be the best thing ever. I thought that if I prayed & hoped hard enough, I would wake up to find one in my bed in the morning. Needless to say, I was disappointed. A bit embarrassing, I know. Moving on...

Somewhere along the way, I began to feel like this desire in my heart for motherhood was not something to be proud of. I felt "less than", if you will. I mean, all these women are out there doing glamorous things & I was "just a mom". Through a series of some devastating events, in early 2005, I found my way into a women's study that was pretty intense. I went in looking to "fix" some other things in my brain. I left transformed in a totally different way than I had anticipated (of course!). I left embracing the fact that God has put this passion for motherhood in my heart. Adoption was still not on my radar, but I think God used that time as preparation. My last journal entry from that study was on 8-6-2005 (remember this...it has significance). It read, "I don't know where all this is leading, but I will surrender & trust in You."

Fast forward to 2006. Joe & I attended a ceremony where there were many youth involved that were part of the foster care system. My heart was absolutely broken. We began exploring the possibility of adopting an older child that was already in permanent custody. We were told by the agency that we decided to work with that young children & babies are rarely available, to which we replied, "That's not what we're looking for, & we are NOT interested in fostering." Someday, I will learn to NOT draw lines in the sand. Anyway, we did have to get licensed as part of the process. Two matches ended up falling through (not by our choice), & we were so sad & confused. At one point, we began looking at private adoption, but just weren't sure about starting over with a baby (ha!). During moments of mental turmoil, I find comfort in journaling, which ends up being my prayers on paper. In February, 2007, I wrote, "Lord, I do not know what the situation will be, but I ask that Joe & I would be secure in the knowledge that You do know & will equip us."

In August, 2007, we got a call that turned our world upside down. Our agency called on behalf of a county an hour away looking for a stay-home mom to foster a preemie. Yes, I said I would *never* do foster care, but I prayed that God would either open the door or close it tight. It seemed improbable that they would end up using us considering everyone seems to want babies & we were so far away, but the only reason I could find to say no should they call was only about "me". The next call came & said, "You're it", & so the walk of faith began. And that date I told you to remember...EXACTLY 2 years to the day that Kaya was born. And that prayer I just mentioned from February trusting the Lord with the situation & that He would equip us for it? That was when Kaya was conceived. I truly believe journaling is such a good thing because we can go back & see how the Spirit is guiding our prayers, & how God is preparing our hearts.

For me, Kaya's adoption journey was a faith walk like I've never experienced. I learned what it means to be completely dependent on God for each step. There was no one on this earth that could tell me how this would all turn out. My trust was in His plan, whatever that looked like. And every ounce of strength to walk that road for over 2 years came straight from Him. In those 2 years, He also increased in me a love & tolerance for broken people that I never knew, & I believe this journey gave me what I like to call the courage to step out of the boat when God asks. It taught me that faith is not neat & tidy; it is rarely comfortable...there are times it was actually knee-buckling, let-me-off-of-this-ride kind of faith. But I learned that I could come before God looking & feeling like a hot mess, & He was patient with me. It was ok. He's my Father, & He loves me wherever I am. I learned I can bring Him everything...I mean every hope, every hurt, every bit of angry I can muster...& He's ok with that. It doesn't mean my faith was any less. It meant I was learning to trust Him with my everything....

Kaya Ashley Faith

8/2007 ~ Came Into Our Home & Hearts

11/4/2009 ~ Adoption Day!

We are....

D ** T ** C

Yes, indeed!! Today, our dossier is on its way to China!

And, quite frankly, I can't decide whether to laugh, cry, or collapse on the floor. Or maybe I should just skip all of those & have a little get-together with a box of hair color.

Whatever. It's all worth it to get one step closer to lil Miss Kemeri Abigail.

No "Futbol" for Our Ethiopian Dude {Yet}

Nope. We gave him the choice between "futbol" & "football", & the American version won out. Might have a little something to do with the fact that he thinks his brother is just plain awesome
& likes to do whatever he's doing.

Whatever the reason, K'Tyo played football, but to his dismay, it was "only" flag. I get the feeling this may be another way he's like his brother in that he will be counting the days until he gets to play tackle.

Of course, Mom waited until the last game of the season to remember the camera, & it was flippin' cold! Ah, well, the hat & long socks add a fashionable statement. :o) He'll love me for it someday.

I must say, he really started "getting it" as the season went on.

The funny thing about this picture is it looks like he's getting ready to launch a bomb. Actually, he just SCORED a touchdown (Woo-Hoo!!) & was throwing the ball to the official. But he looks awesome doing it!

And, yes, he still smiles. A lot.

Plays some good defense, that son of mine.

I guess he doesn't smile all the time, though...looks pretty tough, don't you think?

Check him out....Quarterback for this play, just like Kade (his words)!

Nice hand-off, dude!

On the way home, we asked him if he was glad he played football & if he had fun. His response: "I liked it when we won, but I didn't like if we 'loosed'". Hmmm...He is undoubtedly Kade's brother.

Wordless Wednesday {Remembering Warmth & Sunshine}

Kade is 12

Twelve years ago today, Kade came into our lives, our 5th baby.

The boy loves everything football & basketball. When he was little, most other kids played with trucks & action figures...Kade played with footballs & basketballs.

This past Sunday, Kade played his last game in the youth football league in our town. Seems like just yesterday he was counting the days until he was old enough to play tackle. Now he's finished his 2nd year of it.

Kade was Team Purple's quarterback. For as long as I can remember, he has loved this position. "Dad, wanna throw?" can be heard any day of the week at our house. This was not our choice for him...it is what he is passionate about & works hard at.

Their team went undefeated this year, but not without having to show a lot of character & determination in the process. I think every game but one they had to come from behind.

Honestly, I was nervous about Kade wanting to be quarterback. That position is a target, not just of players on the other team, but it is a target for criticism. Yes, even at this age. Joe & I have been faithful to pray for his protection, both physically & mentally. God answered those prayers in awesome ways.

One of my favorite testimonies is the answer to one of my prayers. "Lord, if Kade's supposed to quarterback, please give him a fortress for a line." Do you see that line? Seriously, awesome.

Kade also got to play with one of his best friends that he's known since preschool. Bryke is taking a pitch from Kade in the above picture...they worked together to make for some exciting moments this year!

Somehow this boy of mine reigns in his intensity & keeps his composure. I think he turns it loose, though, when they score b/c he's always one of the first ones in the end zone to congratulate his teammate.

Cameron is the center of that fortress I prayed for. He's been awesome & is now one of Kade's good friends.

There goes Bryke (again!).

Kade has made some great friends this year.

And he is so looking forward to middle school next year when they all get to play on the same team (the boys are divided amongst four teams & play a couple other teams from another school, too).

It's been hard for the boys not to get to play all together, but one of my favorite moments from this year happened when Kade was playing against a friend's team. His friend was also playing QB, & right when his friend put his hand back to pass, he got tackled. Kade & Bryke were standing on the sideline yelling to their friend, "Don't drop that ball!!" They may have been playing against each other, but they were rooting for their friend.

At the end of his last game, their team was on defense. Their coach made sure all the 6th graders were in for the last play of their youth league career, so Kade got to play some "D", too. Did I mention the other part to those answered prayers? Awesome coaches that spent every practice & game teaching & encouraging these kids.

Kade, you make us proud every day with the way you invest your heart in everything you do from playing sports & hanging with your friends to being a brother/son. We love you & will always be your biggest fans... ...even though you insist on game faces for pictures! ;o)

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:13