I've been reading some different things lately about what God calls us to do. The awesome thing is, when He calls us, it's not like he's giving an order and then we're on our own. When we hear "the call", whatever it is, God has already been cultivating our minds and hearts in preparation for what's to come.
All of this has made me think about different amazing moments that God was preparing me for everything that's happened with "Punkie" these last two years. A pastor we know refers to these "moments" as love notes from God. Some of them make me smile, some make me just shake my head & some overwhelm me to the point of tears. I mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to share, so here you go!
First of all, in case you didn't catch this, having a newborn through foster care was never on our radar screen. Doing foster care AT ALL was never on our radar screen. Our intention was to adopt an older child that was already available for adoption.
Back in 2005, adoption was not even a thought for us. I went through a women's bible study geared at getting past our "stuff" so that we could see ourselves as God sees us. Looking back, I realize this was a beginning for me embracing my "mother's heart" as a gift from God. It was a very intense time for me b/c I struggled with feelings of being inferior (I'm JUST a mom).
In December of 2006, I quit my job as a leap of faith in anticipation of adopting at some point. Even though we planned for an older child, we felt it would be good for family stability. Punkie's SWs were looking for a stay-at-home mom b/c she was preemie.
On February 28, 2007, I was journaling b/c we had had some contact with a private agency with regards to a need they had for transracial adoptive families...we later determined that this was not a door opening for us, but I had written this prayer (looking back, I can see where God was guiding this prayer & preparing my heart): "It is exciting to think that there may be a baby out there for us. Bless the birth mother in her pregnancy. I do not know what the situation will be, but I ask that Joe & I would be secure in the knowledge that You do know & will equip us." Um, ya, when I came across that after Punkie had been with us for a few months, I had quite the meltdown.
In July, 2007 (a month before I got the call for Punkie), Joe & I attended a 4-day training about childhood trauma. We had the opportunity to do an art therapy experiential that therapists often do with children & adults. We got a paper & crayons & were told to draw a tree. When we got done, the instructor started telling of some of the different things they look for & what they mean. She proceeded to say that it's very interesting with women b/c often an expectant woman will draw fruit on her tree. Everyone in the class got quite a kick out of my tree full of pretty red apples!
When the call came, I had nothing for a baby. God's provision is amazing...by the time I got back home that evening, I had a fully stocked nursery. He equips us emotionally & physically.
The final "love note" I'd like to share (there are many, but that would take a book!) happened this last year right before Christmas. A lot of things were happening that seemed to be tying so many of these "love notes" together that I wanted to journal them so that I would not forget. Do you think I could find my journal anywhere? I finally found my old journal from back in 2005 when I took that class I mentioned earlier, so I decided to jot some things down in that since I knew it still had some blank pages. When I opened that journal to where I left off, I'm pretty sure I ended up on my knees. My last post was on August 6, 2005, which was EXACTLY two years before Punkie was born. It reads, "I need to surrender, to hope, to trust You in all of this." Whoa.
Thank you, Lord, that You knew from the beginning of time what You have for me. In the moments that seem still, let me find rest in knowing that you are weaving the threads of my life in ways that I cannot wrap my mind around. Help me to always stay in a mindset of joy in the moment & anticipation for what You will call us to next.
Be Blessed ~ Dardi