Praying His Will

We had a sermon in church a couple of weekends ago that I cannot shake. The scripture reference was John 8: 48-59, but the specific hook for me was verses 49-50 (this is from The Message):

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Jesus said, "I'm not crazy. I simply honor my Father, while you dishonor me. I am not trying to get anything for myself. God intends something gloriously grand here and is making the decisions that will bring it about."

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So, what's my internal wrestling match about? We have made it no secret that we feel called to adoption and hope to adopt again once Punkie's is finalized (which, BTW, is on the docket for November 4th). I began praying about our next adoption awhile back, but after that time in church, I have had that FEELING...you know, where something's not quite right? I think it's the way I was praying.

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What have I been praying? That God would make it EASY this time. I've made no bones about the emotional toll these last couple years have taken. But, in my hope for it to be "easier", I have fallen back into the nasty habit of trying to take control. I'm afraid that I have set before myself a path that seems paved smooth instead of surrendering to whatever "gloriously grand" thing God has planned.

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Here are a couple of notes I jotted down from the sermon that continue to push me:

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"Jesus pushes us beyond our assumptions about everything."

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"Being connected to Jesus is being connected to the impossible. Jesus does the impossible through our obedience."

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This past Friday, my prayer changed. I wish I could say that I was on a mountaintop or somewhere glamorous, but it happened while I was folding laundry (lots of laundry):

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God, I know I asked that whatever was next, that it would be "easier", but I'm afraid that by looking to what seems "easiest" that maybe I'm not really on the right path. If You have something else planned, I want to submit to that, even if it seems "hard". I do not want to miss a blessing that You have for me just because I'm afraid.

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I don't know where this prayer will take us, but one thing I do know for sure is that even though the last two years have been a couple of the hardest of my life, God never left us and we have been blessed beyond measure. I also know that I do not want to live a "safe" existence that conforms to this world's idea of sanity. I am surrendering my plans because I know and trust that His plans will be way better than anything I can conceive and He will take care of the tough stuff. Call me crazy, but I simply want to honor Him.........