Monday, March 11, 2013

not twenty anymore

I can remember being a little person & thinking I just couldn't wait to be 20.  Twenty seemed, I don't know, perfect somehow.  Magical...glamorous...grown up.  I even remember telling my mom that I wanted to be 20.  I was pretty much obsessed with it.

Reality:  My early twenties were filled with a couple moments of joy, but mostly a lot of heartbreak, disillusionment, broken promises, & turmoil.  I seem to remember even wishing to be a kid again so that Mommy & Daddy could make it better.  It was definitely a tough season.

Yesterday, I turned 44 years old.  Funny...I don't remember ever dreaming about being 44 or looking forward to 44 or even thinking of 44 as a good thing. 


Yeah, buddy...I will take now over then any day!  I guess that's what happens when you give up the steering wheel to the right One.  *I* had all kinds of plans.  They didn't go well.

*HE* has plans, too.  And my life has been blessed.  Magical?  Magical moments.  Glamorous? Umm, no.  Grown up?  I'm a work in progress.  Once I gave up *my* plans, He has shown me the gift of this moment, this day, this week, this month, this year.  There are definitely times I catch myself looking ahead, but then I stop.  He's got this.  So I pray, & I hope, & then I trust.

Yesterday was an awesome day.  The sun was shining (& in Ohio, that is a good thing!).  I got up & did my long run (7.07 miles...thank you very much...I wasn't doing THAT when I was 20!) & then spent the day watching my life.  Sounds weird, right?  Seriously, the kids were all playing (even the big ones got cuckoo over playing cornhole for the first time in months) in the front yard.  Joe was hanging out with them & then fired up the grill for dinner.  It was simple.  It was awesome.  I'm 44 years old, married to my best friend, I have 9 beautiful children, life is loud & busy & even messy sometimes....

I'm living the dream I never could have dreamt.  Thank you God for not allowing my life to stay where I had it but for using those years to mold me, teach me, & grow me for what You had in store as well as help me to learn to depend on You when the challenges come, knowing that You work for good in all things.


Rebecca said...

Happy Birthday Dardi!!! May God bless you this year with even greater growth for His glory!

likeschocolate said...

Happy birthday! I would take 40's over 20's any day except I want 20 year old body back.