Me, Adoption, & My Testimony: {Part 1}

Edited 6/25/2013--If you are here via the linky from Adeye's blog post on domestic adoption, hello!  We have adopted domestically twice (the other testimony can be read in Part 3).  We have also adopted from Ethiopia & China (special needs).  Those stories are also located under my testimonies.  Thanks for visiting! :o)  You can also read a post here that is a continuation of some of the emotion from the experience of this journey.

**So, in honor of November being Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month, I was going to do "a" (singular) post about my testimony, but quickly realized THAT would be looooong, so I'm breaking it down into four parts. You're welcome.**

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Adopting a child could very well be a testimony in and of itself. But for me, each of our adoption journeys has been the catalyst for God teaching me more. More about His heart. More about trusting Him. More about my faith. More about my marriage. More about love. More about me.
And more that it's not about me....my life is not my own.

Looking back, I think God began a work in my heart for adoption a very long time ago...I just didn't know it. ;o) For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. For some reason I can remember a time in the 2nd grade thinking that having a baby would just be the best thing ever. I thought that if I prayed & hoped hard enough, I would wake up to find one in my bed in the morning. Needless to say, I was disappointed. A bit embarrassing, I know. Moving on...

Somewhere along the way, I began to feel like this desire in my heart for motherhood was not something to be proud of. I felt "less than", if you will. I mean, all these women are out there doing glamorous things & I was "just a mom". Through a series of some devastating events, in early 2005, I found my way into a women's study that was pretty intense. I went in looking to "fix" some other things in my brain. I left transformed in a totally different way than I had anticipated (of course!). I left embracing the fact that God has put this passion for motherhood in my heart. Adoption was still not on my radar, but I think God used that time as preparation. My last journal entry from that study was on 8-6-2005 (remember this...it has significance). It read, "I don't know where all this is leading, but I will surrender & trust in You."

Fast forward to 2006. Joe & I attended a ceremony where there were many youth involved that were part of the foster care system. My heart was absolutely broken. We began exploring the possibility of adopting an older child that was already in permanent custody. We were told by the agency that we decided to work with that young children & babies are rarely available, to which we replied, "That's not what we're looking for, & we are NOT interested in fostering." Someday, I will learn to NOT draw lines in the sand. Anyway, we did have to get licensed as part of the process. Two matches ended up falling through (not by our choice), & we were so sad & confused. At one point, we began looking at private adoption, but just weren't sure about starting over with a baby (ha!). During moments of mental turmoil, I find comfort in journaling, which ends up being my prayers on paper. In February, 2007, I wrote, "Lord, I do not know what the situation will be, but I ask that Joe & I would be secure in the knowledge that You do know & will equip us."

In August, 2007, we got a call that turned our world upside down. Our agency called on behalf of a county an hour away looking for a stay-home mom to foster a preemie. Yes, I said I would *never* do foster care, but I prayed that God would either open the door or close it tight. It seemed improbable that they would end up using us considering everyone seems to want babies & we were so far away, but the only reason I could find to say no should they call was only about "me". The next call came & said, "You're it", & so the walk of faith began. And that date I told you to remember...EXACTLY 2 years to the day that Kaya was born. And that prayer I just mentioned from February trusting the Lord with the situation & that He would equip us for it? That was when Kaya was conceived. I truly believe journaling is such a good thing because we can go back & see how the Spirit is guiding our prayers, & how God is preparing our hearts.

For me, Kaya's adoption journey was a faith walk like I've never experienced. I learned what it means to be completely dependent on God for each step. There was no one on this earth that could tell me how this would all turn out. My trust was in His plan, whatever that looked like. And every ounce of strength to walk that road for over 2 years came straight from Him. In those 2 years, He also increased in me a love & tolerance for broken people that I never knew, & I believe this journey gave me what I like to call the courage to step out of the boat when God asks. It taught me that faith is not neat & tidy; it is rarely comfortable...there are times it was actually knee-buckling, let-me-off-of-this-ride kind of faith. But I learned that I could come before God looking & feeling like a hot mess, & He was patient with me. It was ok. He's my Father, & He loves me wherever I am. I learned I can bring Him everything...I mean every hope, every hurt, every bit of angry I can muster...& He's ok with that. It doesn't mean my faith was any less. It meant I was learning to trust Him with my everything....

Kaya Ashley Faith

8/2007 ~ Came Into Our Home & Hearts

11/4/2009 ~ Adoption Day!

We are....

D ** T ** C

Yes, indeed!! Today, our dossier is on its way to China!

And, quite frankly, I can't decide whether to laugh, cry, or collapse on the floor. Or maybe I should just skip all of those & have a little get-together with a box of hair color.

Whatever. It's all worth it to get one step closer to lil Miss Kemeri Abigail.

No "Futbol" for Our Ethiopian Dude {Yet}

Nope. We gave him the choice between "futbol" & "football", & the American version won out. Might have a little something to do with the fact that he thinks his brother is just plain awesome
& likes to do whatever he's doing.

Whatever the reason, K'Tyo played football, but to his dismay, it was "only" flag. I get the feeling this may be another way he's like his brother in that he will be counting the days until he gets to play tackle.

Of course, Mom waited until the last game of the season to remember the camera, & it was flippin' cold! Ah, well, the hat & long socks add a fashionable statement. :o) He'll love me for it someday.

I must say, he really started "getting it" as the season went on.

The funny thing about this picture is it looks like he's getting ready to launch a bomb. Actually, he just SCORED a touchdown (Woo-Hoo!!) & was throwing the ball to the official. But he looks awesome doing it!

And, yes, he still smiles. A lot.

Plays some good defense, that son of mine.

I guess he doesn't smile all the time, though...looks pretty tough, don't you think?

Check him out....Quarterback for this play, just like Kade (his words)!

Nice hand-off, dude!

On the way home, we asked him if he was glad he played football & if he had fun. His response: "I liked it when we won, but I didn't like if we 'loosed'". Hmmm...He is undoubtedly Kade's brother.

Wordless Wednesday {Remembering Warmth & Sunshine}

Kade is 12

Twelve years ago today, Kade came into our lives, our 5th baby.

The boy loves everything football & basketball. When he was little, most other kids played with trucks & action figures...Kade played with footballs & basketballs.

This past Sunday, Kade played his last game in the youth football league in our town. Seems like just yesterday he was counting the days until he was old enough to play tackle. Now he's finished his 2nd year of it.

Kade was Team Purple's quarterback. For as long as I can remember, he has loved this position. "Dad, wanna throw?" can be heard any day of the week at our house. This was not our choice for him...it is what he is passionate about & works hard at.

Their team went undefeated this year, but not without having to show a lot of character & determination in the process. I think every game but one they had to come from behind.

Honestly, I was nervous about Kade wanting to be quarterback. That position is a target, not just of players on the other team, but it is a target for criticism. Yes, even at this age. Joe & I have been faithful to pray for his protection, both physically & mentally. God answered those prayers in awesome ways.

One of my favorite testimonies is the answer to one of my prayers. "Lord, if Kade's supposed to quarterback, please give him a fortress for a line." Do you see that line? Seriously, awesome.

Kade also got to play with one of his best friends that he's known since preschool. Bryke is taking a pitch from Kade in the above picture...they worked together to make for some exciting moments this year!

Somehow this boy of mine reigns in his intensity & keeps his composure. I think he turns it loose, though, when they score b/c he's always one of the first ones in the end zone to congratulate his teammate.

Cameron is the center of that fortress I prayed for. He's been awesome & is now one of Kade's good friends.

There goes Bryke (again!).

Kade has made some great friends this year.

And he is so looking forward to middle school next year when they all get to play on the same team (the boys are divided amongst four teams & play a couple other teams from another school, too).

It's been hard for the boys not to get to play all together, but one of my favorite moments from this year happened when Kade was playing against a friend's team. His friend was also playing QB, & right when his friend put his hand back to pass, he got tackled. Kade & Bryke were standing on the sideline yelling to their friend, "Don't drop that ball!!" They may have been playing against each other, but they were rooting for their friend.

At the end of his last game, their team was on defense. Their coach made sure all the 6th graders were in for the last play of their youth league career, so Kade got to play some "D", too. Did I mention the other part to those answered prayers? Awesome coaches that spent every practice & game teaching & encouraging these kids.

Kade, you make us proud every day with the way you invest your heart in everything you do from playing sports & hanging with your friends to being a brother/son. We love you & will always be your biggest fans... ...even though you insist on game faces for pictures! ;o)

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:13

Sunday Snapshot: Ice Cream, Presents, & Cake

In that order.

Kendi's 1st birthday was this past Tuesday, but we waited to officially celebrate until last night. Kameryn & Kade decided the occasion could not go without some kind of somethin', so they ran to the golden arches & got the birthday girl her very own ice cream cone.

I'd say that was ok by her.

Thanks, Grandma & Grandpa for a bag as big as she is!


And she thought the pillow pet was pretty awesome, too!

She was digging the cell phone...does this mean everyone else's is safe now?

The wayward flip-flop was not part of this gift. Nice.

And then there was cake!

She was a bit disappointed when the candle was out....

...but the disappointment was short-lived. Seven other children, & this was our first time witnessing this cake-eating technique. Loved it.

She went in for a bite over, & over, & over again.

I think I quite liked her technique. Notice the hands & clothes stayed chocolate-free!

Happy Birthday, Kendi Hope! We love you!!!

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Check out other Sunday Snapshots by clicking the button!

She's a Year Old!!

Today, Kendi Hope is a year old!

And, oh, how we love her bunches!!

We had the chance to tag along with Daddy last week on a business trip that took us by way of one of our favorite places...Hilton Head Island.

It was extra special to be there with our little punkin for the first time. We spent much time on this very beach last summer lifting up prayers about the baby we only knew in our hearts.

How blessed our lives have been by the answer to those prayers.

She was completely fascinated by the water. I was lucky to get these pictures b/c she was on a mission.

Her serious face just cracks me up.

It was a sweet time for the sisters. The bigger kids had to stay home for school.

Miss Kendi finally got her way...the photo op was over & it was time to sit down in that water!

No words necessary. ;o)

Looks like she's running, doesn't it? That's b/c she is.

I could not resist a few more tutu shots on our last day.

Happy, happy birthday sweet girl! We all love your happy, sassy presence in our family...We have been so blessed by you!